Natural high

I imagined this day so different a couple months.
I imagined it buying a cake and waiting for 12 midnight, your time, to greet you happy birthday.
I imagined seeing that face and that smile that reaches to your eyes.
But instead, I'm here writing this blog with that familiar ache in my heart.

I know it has been months now and for something like this, I should be over it.
I should be but I'm not. I have moved on but I'm not over it.
I don't think about you as much as I used to.
You know what's hurts more than thinking about you every day? It's getting thoughts of you when it doesn't even relate to anything about you. Believe me, it sucks. Big time.

I'm glad that you are happy.
You look happy. With your son. With her.
I hope this is the last post I'll ever have to write about you.
I don't want thoughts of you anymore.
I can't even look at the bracelet you gave me without having teary eyes.
I can't even wear it all day without staring how pretty it is and thinking about what you were thinking when you bought it for me.
It sucks how fate works but I'm glad it's working good for you.
Happy birthday, Derek. I miss you.