Distance

"Box: Now, look, I have done the long distance thing. And it is hard. As hell. And it doesn’t matter how good the relationship is, it literally can just rip apart. Look, it is just very hard to be far away from the person you love for months at a time."

The quote is from a movie.

Does love really know no distance?
I used to believe that if you love someone, the distance would never be an issue.
Distance is just distance. Love will always be greater than the distance.
And all that shit.
But after more than three different situations I have encountered that was because of the big distance between us that's why it didn't work or wouldn't work, it woke me up.
It woke me up to the sad reality.
That distance is something.
That distance is relevant.
That distance is hard.
That distance is shit.
I know, I know, maybe it's just with me. It's just me that can't make a relationship work through the distance... Lol hell no

There's this college friend who had a girlfriend who is in the same country but an hour plane ride away, she cheated. They broke up.
There's this school mate. Couple years younger than me. He was in Australia. She was here in the Philippines. She found someone else who can be there for her physically. She broke up with him.
There's this college friend. Girlfriend went to UAE. Couple weeks after, he cheated. Girlfriend flew back here. Clueless. Found out he cheated. Broke up. But eventually got back together. Lol stupid, yes.
There's my best friend and her boyfriend before she migrated to Canada. Broke up because he didn't have enough time. Time diff is shit.

I could go all day with the people who didn't survive the distance.
Love knows the distance. It hurts to not be able to survive it.
It hurts to know that love is not enough to make it through the distance.
It hurts to be told that he can't be more than friends with you because it will never work even if you guys make a way to see each other every time you can.
It hurts to be told that he won't let someone who is there pass for someone who is miles and miles apart.
It hurts to be told that you shouldn't stop yourself to meet other people even if he's the one you want because the distance is big
It hurts to know that he gave up because he can't take the distance anymore.

I always tell myself and that someone that it will get easier.
There are a lot of ways to communicate.
That we can always make time and ways to visit each other.
But at the end of the day, I know that it's not.
It will never get easier. It will be hell.
It will kill you slowly inside. Until you have lost all your faith in love and fate. Like me.

First Girlfriend Material

A few months ago, he was rolled into the project I'm in.
I can still remember how his smile caught my attention. I'm a sucker for guys who have cute smiles. That kind of smile that reaches into his eyes. Lol
As days passed, I realized that I got this itsy bitsy crush on him. We talked every once in a while. He used to randomly message me on Lync just to say a joke or say Hi.

When we moved to Eastwood, The testing team were left back in Mckinley and he is from the testing team. Given the circumstance, he still never fails to message me every day. Whether work related or not, he would make it a point to always say hi. That's when the teasing started. His team mates and some of my team mates would create a group chat just to tease us. I would just ride along, don't wanna be a fun sucker even if deep inside me is questioning if I really like me. Just because he answers as if he really likes me.

When our project ended, that's when it got serious. Well, not serious serious.
He still messages me every day. Asking me how I am. All that stuff. I thought it was nice of him or maybe he was just bored.
Then one day, he asked me who is my current boyfriend. I said none and asked him too,
He said he doesn't have a girlfriend. He never had a girlfriend.
It surprised me. He is good looking and very nice.
But then, I thought maybe he was very studious in college that's why having a relationship never came to his mind. Or maybe he is too torpe to ask someone to be his girlfriend.
And I was kinda right in the latter part. Several conversations passed and he can't even tell me what he really feels. I mean, I'm all in into meeting in person and telling me how he feels but time is really shitty. Work is shit too. Lol
But I know, I know, everything happens for a reason. I don't wanna rush whatever it is... if it is really true.

The over thinker inside of me can't help but to over analyze everything.
I even consulted few of my close work mates since they know him and some of my friends too.
My work mates are excited for me and they think that he has nice intentions.
I think he has nice intentions. I think that he is too good for me. I think that I'm not deserving to be his first girlfriend.
But when I think about him, I just can't help but smile as if he is one of the good things that happened in my life even though nothing much has happened.

Up to this point, we haven't really cleared things up as I am in Olongapo and he is in QC.
He has work til next week and I'm on vacation already.
All I can do is pray and hope. I guess. If it really is something.
I am making myself even more confused than before lol

Don't be a douche

I hate people who lead other people on.
I don't know why they do it. I think they are selfish, self-centered, attention seeking douchebags/bitches.
I mean, if you don't like a person, don't make them feel like you're into them or that they have a chance on you. It's just so fucking wrong.
I know no one wants to be lead on, so why do some people do it?

I had my fair share of some guys "liking" me. (cmon, I'm not that ugly. *sad puppy eyes*)
I never ever ever lead someone on. It's more the other way around for me. I'm always the one being lead on. Lol
But I'm not ashamed of it.
Why would I be ashamed of it? It's not my fault that the person I liked lead me on. It's his self-issues or maybe he just liked the chase.

People who lead other people on deserves to be alone.
They deserve to rot in hell. Alone.

So, guys & gals, let's play a fair game.
Don't give someone false hope. Don't even give them half the hope.
If you aren't 100% into it then get the fuck out of it.
Don't give the pathetic "I don't wanna hurt him/her" excuse because it's fucking pathetic. Like beyond pathetic. Do you think it won't hurt when he/she knew that you're leading them on?
Telling someone the truth, no matter how it hurts, is better than prolonging the lies and making them believe that they have a chance.
 Don't wait for karma to punch you to wake up.

Grow some balls and make up your mind, kids.


// Disclaimer: Not really into this kind of situation. I just felt like blogging about it. Lol//

There is always hope

Am I in love with you or am I in love with the feeling?

I don't know how many times I wished what I and someone have could last.
And yes, I'm guilty of deleting a few recent blog posts just because they make my heart ache reading them and how I was so in love and happy and hopeful that it will work.
I mean, it was a mutual decision. It wasn't working. & that's when I lost faith in long distance relationships.
But fate is very tricky that even if I wasn't even looking, it continues to make someone walk into my life and give me hope that this time it will work and be really worth it.

Shake it like a polaroid picture

I have been itching to buy an Instax camera for months now.
I just like how old school it is and how instant I can get the photos.
I was about to buy a Fujifilm Instax Mini 8 but decided against it because it's too common and I found out about Fujifilm Instax Wide 210/300. Plus the 99 x 62mm picture size was one of the things that made me interested in it.
So, impulsive me decided to buy the Wide 300 weeks ago in Lazada. Bought it for Php 6, 650. Got it delivered the other night. Tested it last night.
Buying the Wide films at the mall is a struggle. Most films available are for Instax Mini.

As I've said, I tested it last night.
The left picture was my first shot. Mistakenly adjusted the lens to 3m to infinity. That's why it's blurry and too bright, overexpose. But, still, it looks good.
Right picture was my second try, used the close-up lens adapter, with a 90cm to 3m focus. Perfect for selfies! Hahaha I love it!

Found this useful Fujifilm Instax Wide 300 review. ☺

Timeless

All your love is was all I ever known

Last night was an interesting night.
I went to my friend's brother's birthday and my ex was there.
It was the first time we were in the same place after the break-up.
I didn't expect anything. I didn't expect him to say hi but he did.
And as the night got deeper, he even sat beside me.
It was a bit awkward for me, considering how we parted ways.
And out of nowhere, he asked me if I have a boyfriend. I said yes.
He asked where he is. I said it's long distance.
I didn't ask if he has a girlfriend because I don't even wanna know.
But still, he said it. He said he has a girlfriend and it was complicated.
Then, later on, I don't even know how he opened up about the break-up.
He said that I caught him off guard when I said I thought we broke up 2 weeks ago.
That's when I finally had the chance to explain to him my side.
How it was for me when we broke up, and I guess, I hope he understood it.
I closed the topic with an "At least okay ka na, okay na ko. It was all for the better" and he replied with a "Hindi din." while looking at me with those sad eyes.
I can't help but feel sad because I know everything was so hard. But I can't help to notice that I don't feel anything new with him. It all felt familiar, safe, and shit. It frightened me how familiar it felt.
I know he was trying to read me, assess how I was feeling.
I can't count how many times he said "Kilala kita." and "Dati naman..." and shits like that.
He even told me to fix my hair, guess he wasn't a fan of my curly hair. Lol
It was like he was telling me how much I changed and I was still the same me at the same time.

Overall, last night was for the better.
It was the closure we both needed. Actual closure.
When he walked me home, when we were about to part ways, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Should I give him a fist bump or a high five or a hug? But typical me said, "Di ko alam" then he laughed then said "Di mo alam. Haha lika nga dito" and he hugged me.

It was a breathe of fresh air.
I guess, now, we can be friends. No odd feeling anymore. Bittersweet.

I was red and you were blue

When our project manager told us couple months ago that our project will be relocated in Global One, Eastwood, I *silently* wished to be rolled off.
One, because it's too far from where I live. The commute is shit. I hate taking the train.
Two, because I will miss McKinley. I will miss everyone. Attachment issues, I know.
And three, Alexon will be there. I can't bear being in the same place and having that thought that if we cross each others path, it just gives me that heavy feeling. Heavy feeling of seeing an old friend or whatever you used to be so close with and now you don't even acknowledge each other kind of feeling.

After three weeks of being here, the day I wish to never come came.
It caught me off guard. I wasn't even supposed to go out but I don't know what force made me go with my work mates.
Honestly, I already forgot what he looks like in person. It has been more than two years, I think.
Over-exaggerating but my world really stopped for a moment. Not in a lovesick kinda way.
It was the feeling of seeing a long time friend for the first time again.
I don't know if that was even counted as a casual encounter.
It was so awkward. Not lying.
He gave me a very short "uy" in a very low voice that I can still hear.
I just gave him an awkward low wave with a short "hi".
After that, I didn't feel anything. At all. Which is not surprising.
I'm sure I don't feel anything more than friendship because if I'll re-read everything I wrote about him in this blog right now, I would cringe. Lol which is a good thing I guess.

*sigh*
All I know is that I miss him and I'm pretty sure the guys miss him too.
And it kills me that I know why he isn't hanging out with us anymore.
Oh, regrets.

But everything happens for a reason right.
I'm just glad that I'm okay now.
And yes, it was like a closure my heart was waiting on or was looking for.
I just miss my friend now. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't blend in, Stand out

Yes, yes, yes, I got my hair dyed. In red. Well, not that red actually. It was supposed to be kinda copper-brownish-ish but it turned into that and I'm actually liking it. Something not that ordinary lol

Erene and I went out Saturday afternoon btw. Went to eat and stroll at Harbor Point. Wanted to go see a movie but nothing good was on. So we just ate, bought some Dairy Queen ice creams and walked around SBMA, looking for some worthy place to take pictures. It was hot though, so our walk didn't last that long. It was a fun Saturdate with the little sister.

Recovery Food

It was a Thursday night and just because I am gonna go home Friday night, Darwin and I finally decided to hunt down Recovery Food. Perfect place when you're a bit drunk and hungry. Lol but in our case, we were just hungry. Recovery food has two branches that I know of around BGC, one at the ground floor of Crossroads Building, 32nd Street Corner, 8th Avenue and the second one is at BGC Stopover Pavilion. We went in the BGC Pavilion branch. The crew was accommodating. The place, especially the rest room, was clean and nice. Service was fast. The food was good. See their menu in Zomato. Darwin had the Happy beef rice and I had the Amadobo. Both are tasty. We also had Dalandan juice which comes in a wine bottle. Sadly, the only picture I had there is our food below. Lol

After that, we went to a different Starbucks. We always go to the one in Crossroads building but for a change, we went to the Starbucks near Recovery Food.

We walked around Highstreet too. Just a typical chill Thursday night with one of my mains. Sadly, we don't have a picture together lol

Dress and Flats: Cotton On

Malcolm's

Just because I am missing McKinley, I am gonna blog about Malcolm's Burger.
There are these kiosks located at the ground floor of Science Hub towers.
There's Jasper's, Aunt Annie's, Famous Belgian Waffle, and Malcolm's burger.
For our last week in McKinley, Nian and I decided to eat at Malcolm's burger, located near Family Mart.

Their burgers range from P120 to P220 which is, I think, very affordable.
They also serve Buffalo Wings, which I have tried before and I loved it.
I had the Baked Mac burger(Not in the menu above because it's a new thing) while Nian had the Bacon Cheese Burger. I was satisfied with my burger, it was better than I expected. The burger patty was moist, unlike other burger joints that have dry patties. I also love how the buns are fresh and tasty. I can't speak about Nian's burger but it looked like she enjoyed hers too. Lol

Bacon Cheese Burger

Baked Mac Burger

Lol pictures may not look that good because I suck at food photography but you can see how appetizing it is. I recommend y'all to try their burgers and add some potato chips too! Double thumbs up for me :) x

A year without rain

It wasn't over for me. I waited for you

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced, another sun soaked season fades away

Today marks the first year since we broke up.
Feels like forever.
This is the longest time we haven't talk to/text/whatever each other.
We had a roller coaster ride kind of relationship.
It was a "break up-get back together-break up" cycle.
I don't even know how many times we broke up. I lost track.

The first time we broke up was when my momma knew I have a boyfriend, she didn't ask me to end it, she just reminded me to focus on my studies since I am about to graduate high school. So, I decided to break it off but he insisted that we can work it out. We were only on our 2nd month back then.
There was a time that we broke up because of a girl. Yes, that is Christine. He was in Baguio, I was in Manila. We barely talk or text. It took months for us to see each other.
If I remember it correctly, it was Christmas break when I went to Baguio to see him.
We broke up a day before Valentine's day.
There was a time I broke up with him because he was taking me for granted.
There were times that we broke up because we were too tired of fighting and the distance wasn't really helping.

You are the best one of the best ones

We were really fucked up.
Sometimes I regret it. I regret coming back.
What if I just let it be broken and we never attempted to pick it up and fix it.
Would've saved us both time and effort but, I guess, everything happens for a reason.
That everything happened to give us lessons.
It was my first serious relationship and I learned a lot from it.
I just wished it didn't last that long. Too many memories.
It's like I was with him when I was growing up, the time when we were on the verge of growing.
And remembering how I came where I am right now hurts because he was with me through it all.

As of today, I can say that I have moved on. Moved on and a bit of over it.
Kinda over it because I don't even wanna go back. Of course, I miss him. It almost made me wanna go back. & I have to recall ALL the shit to wake me up.
 But I know that there will always be a part in my heart that will ache whenever I hear his name or whenever I go to places we used to go. He is a huge part of my life. I can never erase or deny it or throw that away.

It's just sad how we ended things.
Bad break up, yes.
I can't really find other ways to end it. I just wanted out. I don't wanna settle with him for the sake of settling. And we never should just settle for each other just because we already spent almost 6 years of our lives together. It bothered me how as I grew older, as I started to think about the future, it bothered me how I can't see him with me there. And it all scared the hell out of me. I panicked.

I can still remember the day I gave up.
It was Sunday. We made plans to go out.
I waited for him all day. Texted him. Called him. He didn't respond nor answer until midnight.
He answered with a pissed voice and that made me even furious.
Turned out he was playing video games with some friends and when I asked him about the plans we made that day he responded so defensive saying "Bawal na ba ko maglaro ngayon?" and that woke me up. Few minutes passed and there he was knocking on my door. Even though I have decided that it was the end. I tried to eat all the pride I have.
He was sleeping on the floor and I was in the bed.
I tried to wake him up and let him sleep beside me. But instead of giving in, he looked at me, pissed, and as if asking me what the hell do I want. And that is just the last straw.
I realized that no matter whose fault it is, he will always be angrier and I always have to be the one who should fix it. And that's not what I want. I don't want to feel that way ever again.

You have stolen my heart

But I guess, he thought I was kidding. After two weeks without texting, calling or even seeing him, he messaged me on Facebook breaking up with me. I just answered with a "I thought break na tayo two weeks ago pa". Because, cmon, we didn't even talk for two weeks and you're expecting that we're still okay. That's just bullshit.

The following months after that was so rough. But as time passed by, I saw the light.
I felt the effect of letting something so heavy go. I was happier. I am happier.
It was rough because I was afraid. Afraid of being alone. I was. Not anymore.

I might end up alone forever but I know I'll be okay.

Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

Edz,
How's it going?
I know it has been a while. I hope you already saw the good in what I did.
I was doing us both a favor. We both know it wasn't working anymore.
We both know that we were just treating each other as a default someone.
Someone to run to when things didn't work with someone else. And that is just so wrong.
I still miss you. But not every day anymore.
I still love you. But not in that way anymore.
I would say that I hope we can still be friends, like before.
But I know, I know... so much has happened. And that's not even an option anymore.
I will be forever wondering if you still miss me.
If you still remember me whenever you pass by the places we used to go to.
I will be forever wondering if some tweets you post are about me.
I will be forever wondering if I still cross your mind and if it still makes your heart skip a beat.

The day it all started. August 09, 2008
And we all look like we feel

For what it's worth, I wish you all the best and happiness. And I mean it.
We will both find someone who will make all this pain worth it.
See you around.

April 2008 | I have loved you ever since

Nihonkai Tsukiji

It was supposed to be our last day in McKinley, so we decided to eat out of the office, but, as usual, relocation was moved to August 1.

(From L-R) Ken, Emil, Kat, Paolo, Bado, Nian, Me and Margaux

On the brighter side, we ate at Nihokai Tsukiji located at Tuscany McKinley Hill. The food was delicious. I'm not really into Japanese cuisine... I'm not fond of sushi or maki or wasabi or anything raw. I don't know why. Lol but I enjoyed what I ate.

I had Oyakodon, it's a Japanese rice bowl dish which has chicken, egg, and some random vegetables(?) on top of the rice with some sauce. Made me feel so bloated, it costs around P320, which is a bit expensive but the serving is worth it. Kat and Emil had the same too.

Oyakodon

Margaux, Ken, and Nian had the Makunouchi bento. It consists of fish, meat, tofu, vegetables along with rice and soup. I didn't taste it but it looks appetizing.

Makunouchi Bento, Japanese bento.

Bado and Paolo had some ramen noodles. Bado had the Tonkotsu Ramen while Paolo had the Shoyu Ramen. Accdg to Wikipedia, Tonkotsu is "pork bone". It sounds like Tonkatsu but they are different. Tonkatsu is pork cutlet. And Shoyu is "Soy sauce". Tonkotsu is a full flavored pork bone broth noodles while Shoyu is a soy sauce broth. Both looked savory and served in a large Japanese bowl.

Shoyu Ramen

Tonkotsu Ramen

 

The restaurant has that cozy ambiance, prices are a bit expensive but reasonable since they have big servings and the food is very appetizing. I noticed that Japanese restaurants offer hot or cold tea. I don't know if that's a traditional thing or they just love giving teas. Make sure to try them.

Hot and cold house tea

After that, we moved from Japan to Korea.
There's this Korean convenient store. I like to call it "K-Mart", like Korean Mart. It has a whole lot Korean goods, everything Korean!

 Nian and I tried this Korean ice cream popsicle, Power Cap (I think. Because I can't read Korean and that's the only English words I can read on the packaging). What I love about Korean products is that they have cute packaging. Cute packaging is everything! Haha

Look at how creative that packaging is. Hahaha!

I had the watermelon flavored popsicle and Nian got the Soda flavored popsicle.
Mine tasted so gooooooooood. I will definitely buy again and maybe try the Banana and Soda flavor next time. ☺

Picture of me and Nian to finish this blog post. Lol x

Halespot

Halespot located at Gallagher Street, beside Olongapo City Square, near Ministop

Last Sunday was the blessing of my grandma's diner, Halespot.
It's an all you can eat buffet for lunch/dinner & a shisha bar at night.
Food is amazing. Very affordable all you can eat buffet for only P168.
Very cozy ambiance. Fully air conditioned area. Has function rooms where you can celebrate events.
It is located at Gallagher Street beside Olongapo City Square, near Ministop.
Lunch starts at 12 noon, Dinner starts at 6 in the evening.

Bar area

Lounge Area

Home slice

After a month away from home, I finally had the time to go home.
I missed my momma and my sister.
My sister and I always fought when we were still kids until I moved to Manila for college.
I guess the distance made us even closer and maybe because we were all grown up. Mature and all.
When I graduated college, I was thrilled to work my ass off and face the outside world.
I made it a point to apply for jobs before graduation because I don't wanna be idle for long.
But I was. I was idle for a month, waiting on Accenture to call me.

Top & Shorts: Forever21 Bag: Aldo Shoes: Solemate Watch: Gshock

When I started working, I promised myself to spoil my sister. Well, not really spoil her. Like buy her stuff and take her out once in a while kind of thing.
Growing up, my parents didn't really spoil us. And growing up with friends who can get what they want whenever they like it made it so hard. But as I grew older, I finally saw the sense of why they did that. They want us to work hard for everything we want.
Back then, if we want something, we have to get good grades to get it.
If we want money to go out, we should do chores first to go out and the like.
And thinking about it now, I'm very thankful that they did that.
I can appreciate every little thing I have work for.

At Ben's Kitchen, Harbor Point
I think, Ben's Kitchen is a sister company of Xtremely Xpresso located at SBMA

Last Saturday, my sister and I went to the mall. We ate pizza and lasagna at Ben's Kitchen. We also went to Timezone to videoke while we were waiting for the movie. We went to watch Magic Mike XXL. It was freaking awesome. Channing Tatum killed me. He was so fucking hot. I swear. Y'all should go watch it. Overall, I had a nice day. Always fun catching up with the sister x

Shoes: Coach

Ben's Pizza

Ben Kitchen's Meaty Lasagna

At Harbor Point Cinemas