turning around & pretending i dont love you

Here I go again.
Here I go entering my "heartless, idgaf" phase.
I always get like that whenever I try to let go of someone I still have feelings for.

I pretend I don't like that person.
I pretend I don't care about that person.
I pretend that my feelings don't exist.
I pretend until it becomes real.

How can someone say "you deserve someone better" but their face tells you "wait for me"?
It hurts when you say how you're "never good enough" or you're "not worth it" cause you are.
Someday, you will see how I see you. You'll see how amazing you are.
It doesn't matter if I'm there when that happens, I just want you to see you how I see you.

I always say, "I wish I can have you forever".
I still do.
I still wish that, someday, we can be.
Maybe in this lifetime, maybe in another lifetime.

I hope you smile whenever you remember me.
Cause I do. I smile whenever I think about you.
How can I hate you?
How can I make myself hate you?
How? Just how?

In 5 years, I would still be thankful for you.
In 5 years, this will all be memories but I'll always remember it with a smile, cause in this lifetime you loved me and i loved you.
We almost had it all.

Is that it?

4AM and I'm falling apart.
One of those days where you feel your heart breaking.
I got this habit of making a blog post about someone just when I'm ready to close my chapter with them.
I still got his' on my drafts. The post is done but I just can't publish it yet.
Make it final. Make it real.

We were something, don't you think so?
But this is the end.
My heart aches so bad. So bad.
I thought I couldn't cry anymore but I guess I was in denial.

How can I still feel thankful while my heart is aching this bad?
How can I still think you're an amazing guy while cry my heart out because of you?
It's funny cause I do. I still do.

And if my wishes came true, it would've been you