I was red and you were blue

When our project manager told us couple months ago that our project will be relocated in Global One, Eastwood, I *silently* wished to be rolled off.
One, because it's too far from where I live. The commute is shit. I hate taking the train.
Two, because I will miss McKinley. I will miss everyone. Attachment issues, I know.
And three, Alexon will be there. I can't bear being in the same place and having that thought that if we cross each others path, it just gives me that heavy feeling. Heavy feeling of seeing an old friend or whatever you used to be so close with and now you don't even acknowledge each other kind of feeling.

After three weeks of being here, the day I wish to never come came.
It caught me off guard. I wasn't even supposed to go out but I don't know what force made me go with my work mates.
Honestly, I already forgot what he looks like in person. It has been more than two years, I think.
Over-exaggerating but my world really stopped for a moment. Not in a lovesick kinda way.
It was the feeling of seeing a long time friend for the first time again.
I don't know if that was even counted as a casual encounter.
It was so awkward. Not lying.
He gave me a very short "uy" in a very low voice that I can still hear.
I just gave him an awkward low wave with a short "hi".
After that, I didn't feel anything. At all. Which is not surprising.
I'm sure I don't feel anything more than friendship because if I'll re-read everything I wrote about him in this blog right now, I would cringe. Lol which is a good thing I guess.

*sigh*
All I know is that I miss him and I'm pretty sure the guys miss him too.
And it kills me that I know why he isn't hanging out with us anymore.
Oh, regrets.

But everything happens for a reason right.
I'm just glad that I'm okay now.
And yes, it was like a closure my heart was waiting on or was looking for.
I just miss my friend now. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't blend in, Stand out

Yes, yes, yes, I got my hair dyed. In red. Well, not that red actually. It was supposed to be kinda copper-brownish-ish but it turned into that and I'm actually liking it. Something not that ordinary lol

Erene and I went out Saturday afternoon btw. Went to eat and stroll at Harbor Point. Wanted to go see a movie but nothing good was on. So we just ate, bought some Dairy Queen ice creams and walked around SBMA, looking for some worthy place to take pictures. It was hot though, so our walk didn't last that long. It was a fun Saturdate with the little sister.

Recovery Food

It was a Thursday night and just because I am gonna go home Friday night, Darwin and I finally decided to hunt down Recovery Food. Perfect place when you're a bit drunk and hungry. Lol but in our case, we were just hungry. Recovery food has two branches that I know of around BGC, one at the ground floor of Crossroads Building, 32nd Street Corner, 8th Avenue and the second one is at BGC Stopover Pavilion. We went in the BGC Pavilion branch. The crew was accommodating. The place, especially the rest room, was clean and nice. Service was fast. The food was good. See their menu in Zomato. Darwin had the Happy beef rice and I had the Amadobo. Both are tasty. We also had Dalandan juice which comes in a wine bottle. Sadly, the only picture I had there is our food below. Lol

After that, we went to a different Starbucks. We always go to the one in Crossroads building but for a change, we went to the Starbucks near Recovery Food.

We walked around Highstreet too. Just a typical chill Thursday night with one of my mains. Sadly, we don't have a picture together lol

Dress and Flats: Cotton On

Malcolm's

Just because I am missing McKinley, I am gonna blog about Malcolm's Burger.
There are these kiosks located at the ground floor of Science Hub towers.
There's Jasper's, Aunt Annie's, Famous Belgian Waffle, and Malcolm's burger.
For our last week in McKinley, Nian and I decided to eat at Malcolm's burger, located near Family Mart.

Their burgers range from P120 to P220 which is, I think, very affordable.
They also serve Buffalo Wings, which I have tried before and I loved it.
I had the Baked Mac burger(Not in the menu above because it's a new thing) while Nian had the Bacon Cheese Burger. I was satisfied with my burger, it was better than I expected. The burger patty was moist, unlike other burger joints that have dry patties. I also love how the buns are fresh and tasty. I can't speak about Nian's burger but it looked like she enjoyed hers too. Lol

Bacon Cheese Burger

Baked Mac Burger

Lol pictures may not look that good because I suck at food photography but you can see how appetizing it is. I recommend y'all to try their burgers and add some potato chips too! Double thumbs up for me :) x

A year without rain

It wasn't over for me. I waited for you

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced, another sun soaked season fades away

Today marks the first year since we broke up.
Feels like forever.
This is the longest time we haven't talk to/text/whatever each other.
We had a roller coaster ride kind of relationship.
It was a "break up-get back together-break up" cycle.
I don't even know how many times we broke up. I lost track.

The first time we broke up was when my momma knew I have a boyfriend, she didn't ask me to end it, she just reminded me to focus on my studies since I am about to graduate high school. So, I decided to break it off but he insisted that we can work it out. We were only on our 2nd month back then.
There was a time that we broke up because of a girl. Yes, that is Christine. He was in Baguio, I was in Manila. We barely talk or text. It took months for us to see each other.
If I remember it correctly, it was Christmas break when I went to Baguio to see him.
We broke up a day before Valentine's day.
There was a time I broke up with him because he was taking me for granted.
There were times that we broke up because we were too tired of fighting and the distance wasn't really helping.

You are the best one of the best ones

We were really fucked up.
Sometimes I regret it. I regret coming back.
What if I just let it be broken and we never attempted to pick it up and fix it.
Would've saved us both time and effort but, I guess, everything happens for a reason.
That everything happened to give us lessons.
It was my first serious relationship and I learned a lot from it.
I just wished it didn't last that long. Too many memories.
It's like I was with him when I was growing up, the time when we were on the verge of growing.
And remembering how I came where I am right now hurts because he was with me through it all.

As of today, I can say that I have moved on. Moved on and a bit of over it.
Kinda over it because I don't even wanna go back. Of course, I miss him. It almost made me wanna go back. & I have to recall ALL the shit to wake me up.
 But I know that there will always be a part in my heart that will ache whenever I hear his name or whenever I go to places we used to go. He is a huge part of my life. I can never erase or deny it or throw that away.

It's just sad how we ended things.
Bad break up, yes.
I can't really find other ways to end it. I just wanted out. I don't wanna settle with him for the sake of settling. And we never should just settle for each other just because we already spent almost 6 years of our lives together. It bothered me how as I grew older, as I started to think about the future, it bothered me how I can't see him with me there. And it all scared the hell out of me. I panicked.

I can still remember the day I gave up.
It was Sunday. We made plans to go out.
I waited for him all day. Texted him. Called him. He didn't respond nor answer until midnight.
He answered with a pissed voice and that made me even furious.
Turned out he was playing video games with some friends and when I asked him about the plans we made that day he responded so defensive saying "Bawal na ba ko maglaro ngayon?" and that woke me up. Few minutes passed and there he was knocking on my door. Even though I have decided that it was the end. I tried to eat all the pride I have.
He was sleeping on the floor and I was in the bed.
I tried to wake him up and let him sleep beside me. But instead of giving in, he looked at me, pissed, and as if asking me what the hell do I want. And that is just the last straw.
I realized that no matter whose fault it is, he will always be angrier and I always have to be the one who should fix it. And that's not what I want. I don't want to feel that way ever again.

You have stolen my heart

But I guess, he thought I was kidding. After two weeks without texting, calling or even seeing him, he messaged me on Facebook breaking up with me. I just answered with a "I thought break na tayo two weeks ago pa". Because, cmon, we didn't even talk for two weeks and you're expecting that we're still okay. That's just bullshit.

The following months after that was so rough. But as time passed by, I saw the light.
I felt the effect of letting something so heavy go. I was happier. I am happier.
It was rough because I was afraid. Afraid of being alone. I was. Not anymore.

I might end up alone forever but I know I'll be okay.

Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

Edz,
How's it going?
I know it has been a while. I hope you already saw the good in what I did.
I was doing us both a favor. We both know it wasn't working anymore.
We both know that we were just treating each other as a default someone.
Someone to run to when things didn't work with someone else. And that is just so wrong.
I still miss you. But not every day anymore.
I still love you. But not in that way anymore.
I would say that I hope we can still be friends, like before.
But I know, I know... so much has happened. And that's not even an option anymore.
I will be forever wondering if you still miss me.
If you still remember me whenever you pass by the places we used to go to.
I will be forever wondering if some tweets you post are about me.
I will be forever wondering if I still cross your mind and if it still makes your heart skip a beat.

The day it all started. August 09, 2008
And we all look like we feel

For what it's worth, I wish you all the best and happiness. And I mean it.
We will both find someone who will make all this pain worth it.
See you around.

April 2008 | I have loved you ever since