Cecilia

Oh, grief.
Fucking grief.

I don't know how and where to start.
I always say that it's easier for me to write when I'm sad.... but this is waaaay different.
I can't even think of a way to start explaining or describing what I'm feeling.

It was Friday morning, I went home a half hour past 5.
My aunt was messaging me to wait for her and her husband because they're gonna drop by the apartment. They did. We talked for a while and then they left.
I was already planning on ditching work that day to prepare for a birthday party on Saturday.

My phone rang. It was my sister.
I thought she was calling to remind me to buy her a prepaid card.
I answered my phone and she was already crying.
She asked where I was, I said I was home.
And then she said, "Wala na si nanay".
I couldn't believe it. Just like that.
I started crying. I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was go home.
My sister started explaining how and when it happened.

It happened between past midnight to 6 in the morning.
We're assuming she was having a heart attack then she stood up and tried to go to the bathroom but fell and passed away.
There was vomit on her bed.. they said that's how it goes when it's your time.

I cried. I cried so hard cause she didn't wait for me.
I cried mostly because I can't imagine life without her.
She was always there helping us and taking care of us.
She was so selfless.
She wasn't my grandma by blood but she loved us as if we were his own kids.
I remember when I was still in high school, she was still living at my grandma's house, whenever my sister and I go there, she will cook my favorite food - tortang talong. She will even give us tricycle fare just cause she didn't want us to walk even if it wasn't that far. I know a tricycle fare is not that much but she didn't even have much but she still gave.
I wanted my own kids to personally know her cause I know she will love them as much as she loved us.

In a way, I keep thinking that maybe Nanay didn't wait for me cause she knows that I can never handle finding her that way.
I keep thinking that at least she's no longer suffering now. Suffering from this world.
She didn't even die in a hard way and that is an answered prayer.
With everything she went through in her lifetime, she doesn't deserve to be in pain.

Nanay Celing will be forever in our hearts. We will forever miss her.
I know she's looking at us from heaven right now, guiding us.
I know she died in our house and other people may ask if we're scared or what and, honestly, I don't see any reason to be scared. Nanay won't scare us. She knows us too well.
She's our guardian angel.
We love you, Nanay.

Inflatable Island PH

90% of my Inflatable Island PH experience lol

Last weekend, my friends and I went to my hometown with no hotel reservation or a plan at all.

Yes, we're so extra with our Timezone Photobooth pic

Saturday morning, we all decided to meet up at Victory Liner - Cubao Terminal. I went there straight from work.. even if I worked from home haha. No sleep and hungry. There we a lot of people at the terminal. We had to wait for our bus for like two hours and it was hella hot but that gave us time to search for a hotel to stay at and finalize our plan.

We arrived at Olongapo around 3 in the afternoon. We decided to just go to the Inflatable Island Sunday morning cause we were too tired already. We went to SM Olongapo and had our late lunch at Mang Inasal. After that, we went to Harbor Point. Strolled around the mall, played at Timezone and grabbed some coffee and cake before we went back to the hotel. I swear I slept so quick. I was so tired.

Sunday morning, we woke up early. Breakfast at Chowking near the jeepney terminal then went to Samba Beach Resort. There were a few people already when we got there. We bought the two-hour pass and I'm so glad we did. It costs Php 799 but if you can buy it for 699 when you book it online. After buying the ticket, you can go inside already to be oriented and to sign waivers. You need the waiver to be able to get the life vest. You can also get a locker for your personal belongings. I'm so glad that we went early morning cause there weren't that many people yet and the sun is not that strong. After having your life vest set and all, you can now go to the Inflatable Island.

Line for the life vest

Before going to the Inflatable Island

Me after trying so hard not to fall or slip

Over all, the experience was fun. I wouldn't do it again though... or maybe I will when I'm more physically fit. HAHAHAHAHA which is never lol It was a fun weekend. It's just so nice to be with these people again. And I'm happy that we're all still in touch with each other.

For more details about Inflatable Island PH, go to this link: http://www.theinflatableisland.com/

Safe Haven

I got a lot of stuff on my mind... I don't really wanna talk bout it here or anywhere.
I honestly don't know what to write in here.
I'm a bit gloomy.
So, I'm currently listening to Ruth B.'s "Safe Heaven" album... that's why I'm gonna list my top 5 fave songs from this album.
I randomly found her at around 4 in the morning on Spotify last Saturday and instantly fell in love with every song.

Mixed Signals

"I don't know what road we're on, I don't know what we're heading towards... but I know my heart is all yours"

This song is about being in a relationship with someone but you're unsure whether it's gonna go somewhere or not. Like you know you deserve better but you still have hope for the both of you.

Dandelions

"And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime, and I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine"

This song is my very top favorite song in this album. I remember hearing this song for the first time, I got teary eyes and all I can think bout is Andy. What a feel good song. The beat, the lyrics, Ruth B.'s voice. Just perfect.

Unrighteous

"No chance we're going to make it but baby can we fake it? 'Cause even though I know you're not the one, this has really been a lot of fun.."

This song hurts my heart like a bitch. I don't know why. Lol. This song is knowing that there is nothing there anymore, that you're just forcing for it to make it work just cause you're happy. It's like knowing that it'll end soon and you got nothing else to do to stop it.

If this is love

"It's been a long time since I've felt the way that I do now, like I need you but I don't know how. It's been a while since I smiled and I meant it for all my heart but the idea of leaving this behind, it tears me apart"

This was the song that made me go to Ruth B.'s album. The lyric quote above is the exact feeling I am feeling right now. Like I've blogged before that I have commitment issues, I flake/disappear/run away once it becomes serious but I just don't know how, why or what made me just jump into it.. and now, it scares me like hell. Okay, enough. Lol

Safe Haven

"When the world is caving, baby you're my safe haven"

Feel good music. This is a song about a person who makes it all better even when life gets so hard. He/She is like your safety net, your home, your safe haven. When everything seems like going all the way down below, you have that person to remind you that everything is alright.. everything is gonna be alright.


I love the other songs too but these 5 songs are the ones I keep on loop.
I like to think that Ruth B. is the female version of Ed Sheeran. Lol oh well

24

 

Wow. How time flew so fast. It feels like I was only 23 yesterday..... LOL ok I'm not funny

I forgot that it's my birthday today. lol
I didn't really do anything. At all.
I slept then went to work.
I'm planning on buying a green tea frappe at Starbucks later and claim my free cake.
That's it. Lol I know I'm boring and I feel sick. I have colds.
A lot of people greeted me today. I appreciate every one of them.

So, 24th year.
A 'thank you' is not enough to thank the big guy up there for everything that I have accomplished, for all the blessings He gave me, for all the struggles/challenges that made what I am today... Stronger, definitely wiser and more determined.
I know I said I wouldn't delete posts from the past cause those were real stuff and those struggles or sadness made me the person I am today but all I see is clutter... lol and besides, moving forward now right. Keeping all the relevant stuff though. Just removing some shit gradually.

Well, for the past years, my birthday day wishes were pretty generic. Like good health, more blessings and the like... Few times I've wished for someone to come along. That someone who will stay with a very stubborn, moody and paranoid person like me and I'd like to think that after years of praying, wishing and hoping, I finally got my wish. I met Andy. We've been together for three months now. Feels like forever, I swear. I've been the crappiest, the craziest, the moodiest that I have ever been and he's still there... taking all the crap I'm throwing at him.

This year, I still wish for the same. Good health & more blessings for my whole family and friends. Especially now that my grandmas and granddads are getting older and my great grandma is turning 91 this year.
For my personal wish, I wish for this to work. I want this to work so bad. So bad that I haven't blogged much about it cause I don't wanna jinx it. In fact, I haven't even blogged about anything at all and that happens when I'm happy. And I am happy. :)

They said that you should love yourself first. Invest in yourself first.
I can truly say that that is the key.. the key to have that joy in your heart and soul.
I spent the past couple years loving myself, taking care of myself, being independent, trying new stuff by myself, stepping out of my comfort zone...
This year, I can say that I have achieved that. Not perfect but I'm there.
Cheers for another year!