12:40 PM
And then you became a name that I couldn't take without feeling a strange ache in my heart
It's pathetic but the first thing I did when I opened my eyes today was look at my phone, hoping and looking for any notifications from you but none...
Can I just fast forward to the day that I'm already over and done with it?
I'm so close to messaging you right now.
"So that's it?"
& you probably won't reply but I don't know. I want to know if you to feel what I'm feeling too.
Are you thinking of me too?
Do you smile when you watch my Snapchat stories? I know you still watch it cause you're on the views.
I can't help but wonder what's going on in your mind.
Do you still think "god, I love your laugh" when you hear my laugh like you used to tell me?
Do you still say "Stop being cute, I'm mad at you" when you see my face like you used to tell me?
I'm so mad. I'm so mad for thinking all these.
I'm so mad at myself cause I can't get over it.
I'm so mad that all I wanna do is message you, say everything and block you cause I'm too weak to even wait for you to answer.
I'm so mad for being a fun sucker bothering my friends with all my drama. Sorry Matt, if you're reading this
Okay, I almost broke down writing that that I had to call Johnaley (Best girl friend) to keep me sane.
I don't know what's real anymore
I'm so scared.
I'm so scared to get buried in this sadness.
I have kept myself together for a long time now and this one just hit me hard.
It hurt with what happened with Derek but it hurts more as fuck now with this.
Cause maybe with Derek, I had no choice but to let go because of the situation and we ended on good terms.
But with you, it was just all a mess. I'm a mess right now.
It was just the other day before this all happened, we skyped for a couple hours, talking about random stuff like you wanting to take me to this place when I go there. It was all so nice...
I miss your cat.
I miss you more though.
I’ve deleted you from all the platforms we’ve used in the past to communicate… but why am I still thinking about you...
01:41 PM
He fucking messaged me.
I don't know what to say. My nerves are freaking out and there's something inside my chest that is beating so loud.
02:17 PM
Why are we talking like nothing happened?
Why does it feel like we never said goodbye?
I am still afraid that you will stop responding to my messages and that it would hurt more.
Literally feeling pain in my chest when I breathe. Is that weird? Lol wtf is happening
I'm not suicidal. Fyi but god, you're making me crazy
03:23 PM
This is so bad.
This is such a bad idea.
We keep on messaging.
Every time I reply to your messages, it makes me anxious if I will get a reply back.
I'm so scared waiting then finding out you already read my message and didn't reply.
I sound so pathetic.
Pero ginusto ko to eh
Pls just leave gradually. At least that way, I know we're okay. I can pretend we're okay
05:05 PM
I don't know when this will end.
I don't know if you're just gonna suddenly stop responding or what.
I don't know.
This is so confusing.
How can we be so comfortable with each other? Lol
08:24 PM
Ayoko na.
Sinasaktan ko na lang sarili ko.
I don't know why I feel so vulnerable right now.
I've been so okay. So okay. I almost thought I didn't have a heart anymore cause I can't feel anything.
But now, I feel so vulnerable with Tyler. Lame.
Ayoko na. Tama na to.
And then you became a name that I couldn't take without feeling a strange ache in my heart
It's pathetic but the first thing I did when I opened my eyes today was look at my phone, hoping and looking for any notifications from you but none...
Can I just fast forward to the day that I'm already over and done with it?
I'm so close to messaging you right now.
"So that's it?"
& you probably won't reply but I don't know. I want to know if you to feel what I'm feeling too.
Are you thinking of me too?
Do you smile when you watch my Snapchat stories? I know you still watch it cause you're on the views.
I can't help but wonder what's going on in your mind.
Do you still think "god, I love your laugh" when you hear my laugh like you used to tell me?
Do you still say "Stop being cute, I'm mad at you" when you see my face like you used to tell me?
I'm so mad. I'm so mad for thinking all these.
I'm so mad at myself cause I can't get over it.
I'm so mad that all I wanna do is message you, say everything and block you cause I'm too weak to even wait for you to answer.
I'm so mad for being a fun sucker bothering my friends with all my drama. Sorry Matt, if you're reading this
Okay, I almost broke down writing that that I had to call Johnaley (Best girl friend) to keep me sane.
I don't know what's real anymore
I'm so scared.
I'm so scared to get buried in this sadness.
I have kept myself together for a long time now and this one just hit me hard.
It hurt with what happened with Derek but it hurts more as fuck now with this.
Cause maybe with Derek, I had no choice but to let go because of the situation and we ended on good terms.
But with you, it was just all a mess. I'm a mess right now.
It was just the other day before this all happened, we skyped for a couple hours, talking about random stuff like you wanting to take me to this place when I go there. It was all so nice...
I miss your cat.
I miss you more though.
I’ve deleted you from all the platforms we’ve used in the past to communicate… but why am I still thinking about you...
01:41 PM
He fucking messaged me.
I don't know what to say. My nerves are freaking out and there's something inside my chest that is beating so loud.
02:17 PM
Why are we talking like nothing happened?
Why does it feel like we never said goodbye?
I am still afraid that you will stop responding to my messages and that it would hurt more.
Literally feeling pain in my chest when I breathe. Is that weird? Lol wtf is happening
I'm not suicidal. Fyi but god, you're making me crazy
03:23 PM
This is so bad.
This is such a bad idea.
We keep on messaging.
Every time I reply to your messages, it makes me anxious if I will get a reply back.
I'm so scared waiting then finding out you already read my message and didn't reply.
I sound so pathetic.
Pero ginusto ko to eh
Pls just leave gradually. At least that way, I know we're okay. I can pretend we're okay
05:05 PM
I don't know when this will end.
I don't know if you're just gonna suddenly stop responding or what.
I don't know.
This is so confusing.
How can we be so comfortable with each other? Lol
08:24 PM
Ayoko na.
Sinasaktan ko na lang sarili ko.
I don't know why I feel so vulnerable right now.
I've been so okay. So okay. I almost thought I didn't have a heart anymore cause I can't feel anything.
But now, I feel so vulnerable with Tyler. Lame.
Ayoko na. Tama na to.
No comments:
Post a Comment