Stuck in the dark

I didn't wanna lose you. Leave you with a broken heart. But wherever we are, we're miles apart, I know that we tried.

11 months and 10 days
It took fate 11 months and 10 days to put us in the same place at the right time.
I didn't see you clearly. I just saw that hat you always wear. With your earphones on. Not talking to anybody.
I was right across the street where you and your friends were having some drinks.
You were seated facing the soon to open restaurant that I was in.
I know you saw me before I saw you.

First time I saw you after the break-up. How does it feel?
I don't know either. I can't feel anything. I'm numb or something.
I ignored unknown voices I heard from where you were. I guess that was your friends trying to get my attention.
I just can't look at you. I can't have you looking at me while I'm looking at you.
I know that I wouldn't be able to take it. I can't take looking at your eyes and see what I have done.
But why the fuck am I waiting for you to text me?

I know. I suck.
I ended it. I have no right to feel this way.
I have no right to say that my heart is still broken.
I have no right to even say all these things because I was the one who ended this right?

 But this is the last goodbye