Dazed

"You look so pretty you're making me mad"

I won't say I'm falling again.
I won't deny that that made me smile.
I'll admit that I like him. Not in an intense way.
Not like before cause I know he is still a fuckboy.
Even more, now that he is single.

I'm so afraid to blog it here.
Cause I don't wanna jinx it or make a big deal out of it.
But I gotta get it out of my head. I just have to.
Cause either way, if it's not meant to be, no need to worry about.

I don't know what kind of game is he in.
I don't know if I'm the only girl he talks to... lol doubt that a million times.
But I'm just glad he makes time to message me every once in a while.
Maybe I should just stop being so....... I don't know.. sentimental? appreciative? Or whatever.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much.
It's not like I see myself being in this long term.
Even if it happens, it won't work anyway.
I am foretelling this already even if it's not even close to happening yet.
I just know it wouldn't.

Lol I feel lame blogging this and I don't even know if he really likes me.
OOOOOOOOOOH OKAY DELETE BYE

And they lived happily ever after..

"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."

Whenever I attend weddings or watch wedding videos on YouTube, I can't help but daydream about how it is gonna be on my wedding day. It was like I set aside my "I'm never gonna get married" thoughts for a moment and just picture everything from my wedding dress to the flowers I will put on each table at the reception. It makes me tear up whenever I do that, it gives me that overwhelming feeling that, finally, everything is right. But, of course, that was all just a daydream. I am still 50/50 on the getting married thing, maybe because I don't even have a boyfriend right now. Lol

Digital people @ Emman & Charmaine's Wedding

Last Saturday, I went to Emman's wedding.
Emman was my team mate from my previous project.
It was a simple wedding with their family and friends.
I can still remember tearing up while Charmaine was walking down the aisle.
Tears of joy. It was such an intimate moment that you're just steps away from the one you will spend your lifetime with and with God as the witness.
For a moment there, all my doubts faded and my hope in love restored.
I don't know Charmaine personally but with how Emman told us their story, I know and I can tell that it is meant to be. They went through a lot and still found the way to each other. True love.

As of this moment, I am terrified of the thought of marriage.
Maybe because I grew up witnessing a failed marriage and I just don't want to go through that.
I am terrified but I am also hoping. There is that little faith in me that wishes or hopes that someone will come along and prove that I don't have anything to be scared about, that it is different with him, someone who will make all those doubts disappear.... I know, someday he'll come. Someday.

High as a balloon

 

 

After days of whining and being all sad, I finally went out.
I realized it's pointless to be sad about something that isn't there anymore.. so moving on and focusing on the people who are still there. After all, life goes on. It will all get better in time.
And yes, too many pictures for this post cause I don't have much to say.

 

 

So anyway, I went out with Darwin and two new friends last Friday night!
It is always fun at Valkyrie. I had a good time. It was nice going out and not caring about anything.

 

23

Twenty-three

First time to celebrate my birthday at work...

It was nice. Typical me, who doesn't take compliments and greetings well, managed to get through the day with multiple personal birthday greetings.

After birthday lunch with Project Pie friends

I had a mini birthday lunch with my Project Pie friends and they managed to surprise me with a cake.

I so appreciated the effort but I think I lack emotions on expressing myself. I just suck at surprises. Lol. But I really appreciated it. I love it actually.

Of course, my friends won't forget to post embarrassing stuff about me on Facebook which made me laugh nonstop. Especially when two of my guy friends posted VIDEOS. One is a drunk video of me, which is so funny! And the other one is a candid video of me. It was all too sweet ❤

Soooo... 23. How does it feel?

It feels just like 22 now lol jk

23 feels like another exciting year for me. I can't wait to for what's to happen.

I'm just glad that as I grow older, I really am starting to figure things out.

Like with friends, I am slowly (but surely) filtering out or cutting off people who just don't value me or appreciate the friendship. I am very sentimental. I could cross oceans for someone important to me... they know that. I will always have their back as long as they are true to me. I am just glad that I can go on with my life without worrying about people who don't even worry about me. It's refreshing, no drama, just love.

Or like with career, I am very happy with my career path but I'm still open to exploring other paths. I just have to think more through it and take risks. But we'll see, we'll see. Eventually.

As for the love area, I am not rushing. I am still single. No rush. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.

I am ready for what year 23 has to offer.

Thank you, Lord, for another blessed year.