Still 22

Rainy Tuesday night and I'm sitting on my bed with music playing in the background trying to recall everything that happened to my 22 year old self.

Still 22

What happened this year?

• I just figured I didn't blog anything for my birthday month last year except a random pouring my feelings out post
• I blogged stuff about Alexon that his girlfriend read and told him bout it that's why he talked to me for "closure" which ended well, I guess. Right now, I can surely say that it was all for the best and that Alexon will always remain to be one of the best guy friends in my life even though we don't talk anymore. I mean, we have seen each other, hung out, and it turned out okay. So I guess, time heals.
• Last year, we went to Boracay. Which was so fun. It was a fun adventure. I had the chance to try Parasailing!!
• I had an intense crush on Stephen Curry... still have...
• I blogged about food so much.
• I made time to see my friends more. I love this part because now that we're all living an adult life, it's pretty hard to get together because of our work schedules... but I'm glad that I happened to balance work and life this year & will surely continue doing so.
• I made it a point to take my sister out and spoil her a bit. Growing up.. my momma didn't spoil us. If we want something, we gotta work for it. Get good grades, do chores, be good.. it made me and my sister value everything we have and to study hard in school. We never failed a subject. EVER. But now that I am working and somewhat paying for bills, I just think it's right to wanna spoil both of them.
• Oh and also this year, I had my first single life anniversary. A year since I broke up with Edz. It was nice... refreshing.. I learned a lot from the break-up. Countless things that I continue to apply on my life.
• Edz and I saw each other for the first time since the break-up.
• I met David. Lol. This one's a funny and a very long story. Let's just say that David somehow became a way for me to open my eyes to fake people and to not trust that easily which I'm so grateful for.
• I bought myself a Fujifilm Instax Wide 300 camera!
• I met Matt.
• Giana and I made up.
• MJ kinda, wanna, coulda, woulda... lol I don't even know how to describe it cause it was such a blur.
• I met Cory who turned out to be a fuckboy but doesn't act like it when he was around me which was so weird.
• Then there's Tyler. Another fuckboy but we're just friends...

.....

There has been so much stuff that happened on my 22-year-old self.

But right now, a year before I turn 23, I can say that I'm so glad that about everything that happened.

I learned a lot from this year.

From self-worth to knowing who my real friends are to healing wounds to slowly reaching for my dreams.

I couldn't ask for more.

I'm so ready for what Year 23 may bring.

14:41 thought

"What do you think about long distance relationships?"

I swear my heart skipped a beat when you asked me this question.
Maybe because half of me was hoping that we are on the same page now. Yeah, yeah, I know you've said that you like me and I like you but not the same intensity and not for the same reason. You know what I'm saying?
But, of course, half of me knows you're not talking about me....

Sometimes I just wanna just pretend I don't have a heart.
If you don't have a heart, there is nothing to hurt or break anymore, right?
I know this is a hopeless case. You can never see me like the way I see you.
That even though I know you too well, waaaay too well... there's still that hope and faith in my heart that wants to be with you.
I would've crossed oceans to be with you... if only you feel it too... if only this is real.

05/10

10th day of my birthday month and I received this gorgeous bouquet from Alex.

Alex met me through Giana. He saw me on Giana's pictures and he asked who I am then he added me on Facebook. At first, the conversation was so boring. Maybe because it was a bad timing. He was about to move to his new apartment and I was.. occupied. Lol. But anyway, after a while, we talked even more and got to know each other more. He has a very nice heart. He is funny. It doesn't get dull when we talk on the phone. He has his way of making someone special.

I am not a fan of flowers. Especially roses because I think they are overrated.

But I must admit that this gesture made me smile and I felt somewhat special.

I know, I know, they are just flowers. Like I said, I'm not a fan of flowers.

This is my first official bouquet of flowers. Lol.

I know, I'm lame. To defend my ex-boyfriend or past flames, I always say that I don't like receiving flowers. Well, I like sunflowers. But no one has ever given me one. But anyway back to topic.

Receiving my first bouquet, I found myself googling on how to make them last longer.

I just feel a bit sad that it's too pretty to die yet. Hahahaha I am not making any sense and I don't know how to end this.

Long story short, I love the flowers. I appreciate Alex's gesture.

And after all, it's for my birthday anyway.

I haven't met you and I still feel like I miss you

I tried to say good bye and I choked, I tried to run away and I stumbled
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Quick disclaimer:
This blog has been up for almost 6 years now. It has been my go to place whenever I want to load off any frustration or heartache, sometimes happiness.
I feel like everything I say here has been like a broken record playing nonstop.
I met someone, we got along, fate fucked up, hearts broken. Like a cycle.
Same old shit but a different day eh? But regardless, like I always say, this blog has been my outlet for everything. It helps me get through it. Just wanna put this out here for no reason lol
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I was different from the girls he usually talk to.
I remember myself saying "He's nice but naaaaahhh" but here I am trying to get through the day with a fake smile and a wounded heart just because fate is just so damn cruel.
We started as friends.
What we had was an honest friendship. We say things with caution but without hesitations.
I love it that way. It wasn't perfect but it was better.
He has also been open to saying that he likes me and I would just tease him about it.
He has been a great listener during my Cory phase. We talk like every day. He always makes sure that I am okay.
Maybe that's one of the reasons why I started to like him.
Falling for him wasn't like a fairytale. It wasn't meeting him for the first time and knowing that he is the one for me.
Falling for him was like trying to play a song. It was like learning a new note every day and slowly learning how to play the whole song.

I didn't just wake up one day and realized that I like him.
It was gradual.
It's when he casually asks me to Skype because he misses my face.
It's when he tries his best to give me what I want.
It's how he deals with me during my PMS.
It was when he tried to hide how jealous he was but ended up being pissed and blurting how jealous he was.
It was when he tried to make me jealous and got pissed saying "Why aren't you fucking jealous?!".
It's how he stares at me while I'm talking or just staring at me when I'm busy with something on Skype.
It's how frustrated he is because he wants to be with me so bad.
It's how he always tries to make me smile whenever I'm trying to be mad at him.
Each day that passes by just makes me like him even more because of his soul and personality.
I won't elaborate how fate fucked everything up but I'm glad we still talk.
I suck at fading into not talking phase. I'm too sentimental, I'm too attached.
I hope one day, we can both meet again. Right time, right place.