Who would've thought I'd get you

I was never the kind of girl who likes receiving a bouquet of flowers, especially roses.
I think they're overrated and I'm not saying this to make me look cool.
I think buying flowers is a waste of money. They're expensive af. lol
But being in that moment, receiving a bouquet from someone you love and care for... it's a feeling I can't put into words. (But I'm talkative, so, of course, I'll try haha)

It was so unexpected.
It was a Tuesday.
Andy and I were FaceTiming before I went to bed around 8 in the morning.
I woke up around 2 in the afternoon because the dogs were barking and my phone kept on ringing.
I even thought it was the stuff I bought online last Monday & I was thinking how fast it got shipped. Lol
I was so sleepy that I wanted to just sleep and not mind them but the dogs were freaking noisy.
Soooo.. I went down and when I opened the door, I saw a delivery guy holding a bouquet of flowers and I was about to get pissed cause I thought they got the wrong address but they said it was for me.
I was half-asleep signing a paper with my name on it, receiving the bouquet of roses.
I asked the delivery guy who is it from and he just told me that there's a card.

He didn't even write a name!!

When I opened the card, it didn't even have a name on it.
I called Andy on FaceTime and immediately asked: "WHAT DID YOU DO?"
I gotta give props to his acting skills cause he really looked like he didn't know what I was talking about until he laughed cause I was going crazy thinking who could possibly send me flowers.

It was so sweet because there wasn't a special occasion.
I appreciate it so much, not because of the flowers, because the gesture made me feel so special.

I guess I can now understand the girls who post bouquets on social media.
And, of course, I'm so extra that I needed to take a picture with it. LOL

Just in case Andy's reading this...
Hi babe, I love you. Stop stalking

Just a phase, indeed

July 2012

Yesterday, I had dinner with Kelly & Mau.
We were catching up and all that & we came into a certain topic where it made me realize how much I really changed.
I realized how dependent I was on my emotions and how impulsive I was on my decisions.

I was in a /long distance relationship/ all throughout college. The distance wasn't that big but you know what I mean.
It was a messy relationship.
Edz didn't think twice of dropping me when a new girl came alone and I admit I got attracted to too many other guys. lol
I know, I know, it was so immature.
Let me throw the "I was just a kid back then" excuse in.

The relationship was so messy that I know that we both know that we were staying for the wrong reasons but we still tried to deny it and tried to work it out.. & eventually, didn't for me.
To be honest, I can't remember details from it anymore cause that was so more than 5 years ago.
It'll be so bad to name drop, at least the ones that were mutual, but I don't think anyone reads my blog anyway so.. There was Carl, Nikko, Yco, Yao (again, I know. *facepalm*), Mark, Alexon.
Those were the ones on top of my head and I don't wanna dig deeper lol

It's so weird how I was like that back then.
Weird that it makes me cringe how much of a slut I was. HAHAHAHA
I can't think of any other reason why I was like that back then.
It looked like I can't live without a guy in my life. *cringes*
Right now, I can say I'm not that person anymore. It feels great.

When I broke up with Edz, I made it a point to really move on and focus on self-love.
At first, it was hard. It felt like I was just gonna eat my words and get back with Edz cause that was THE cycle but thinking of the things I want in life made me take the first couple steps away from that.
I'll admit I did some talking and dating around.
The difference was, this time, I wasn't taking any more bs and I was single.
I focused on improving myself, doing stuff on my own... I think I overdid it cause I don't even wanna watch movies at the cinema with anyone anymore. lol

And right now, I'm in a relationship. It's long distance... waaaaay bigger than the last one but I no longer feel like how I was back then.
I feel happier, independent & that I know better now.
I don't talk to other guys that way anymore, I've learned the art of 'dedma'. lol
Before Andy, I used to go out a lot, go to the bar & drink almost every weekend but I don't know why I don't anymore.
Andy doesn't prohibit me to go out and even if he does... well he won't cause he knows I don't like being told what to do.

I don't regret the stuff I did before. I don't regret being immature.
I don't regret going through that phase cause I can now say that I've been through that, I know what that felt like and I'm over it.
That all made me the person I am today and I'm glad of who I am right now.

Love finds you

I pray to God that I don't jinx this.
I've been holding myself back to blog or post anything about this guy 'cause I'm too scared to jinx it.
In the past, whenever I feel happy with someone or like something is kinda going good, I somehow jinx after I post or write or talk about it.
He isn't a secret at all. I talk about him with my close friends and my sister. My mom knows about him.
I just don't blog about him or post much on social media.

It has been half a year now.
We've been together for 6 freaking months.
Can you believe that? Yeah, me neither.
It has been a rocky start for us. Ya know, the basic. Exes, past stuff, adjustments and all that but we made it through all that.
It just went by so fast. It doesn't feel like 6 months at all.
I guess, this is what genuine & lasting happiness feels like.
What they always say, "Time flies so fast when you're having fun" & hell that's so true.

I know this sounds so cliche but, trust me, I mean it when I say Andy is the best boyfriend ever.
He can tell how I'm feeling the moment I answer the phone and say "hello".
He can tell if I'm thinking bout something even if he can't see or even if I'm not talking.
He understands how I feel and why I feel that way.
He makes me feel special by appreciating even the little things I do or say.
He's not afraid to talk about the hard topics.
He supports me with everything I do and want.
He believes in me.
He doesn't hesitate to tell me when I'm doing something off or wrong.
He just sees through me.
He treats me so well.
I'm so comfortable with him and it's so crazy.
I don't even know why I'm listing everything but I can go on about everything all day.
I guess I am new to this stuff. The stuff on how a real relationship should be.
Cause if you know me or read my blog, you'll know that my past relationship was crap and toxic af.
I think I have deleted some posts and it made me cringe. I can't believe I let someone treat me that way for so long.
But, in a way, I'm still thankful... cause maybe this is God's reward for me.
And damn, I'm so thankful.

I am happy... that joy in my heart, the butterflies I feel in my stomach, the contentment, that peaceful feeling that everything's gonna be okay.

So, Andy, if you're reading this... well, damn, stalker much? JK! I love you, baby. Forever and always. We gooooooooood lol ♡

Cecilia

Oh, grief.
Fucking grief.

I don't know how and where to start.
I always say that it's easier for me to write when I'm sad.... but this is waaaay different.
I can't even think of a way to start explaining or describing what I'm feeling.

It was Friday morning, I went home a half hour past 5.
My aunt was messaging me to wait for her and her husband because they're gonna drop by the apartment. They did. We talked for a while and then they left.
I was already planning on ditching work that day to prepare for a birthday party on Saturday.

My phone rang. It was my sister.
I thought she was calling to remind me to buy her a prepaid card.
I answered my phone and she was already crying.
She asked where I was, I said I was home.
And then she said, "Wala na si nanay".
I couldn't believe it. Just like that.
I started crying. I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was go home.
My sister started explaining how and when it happened.

It happened between past midnight to 6 in the morning.
We're assuming she was having a heart attack then she stood up and tried to go to the bathroom but fell and passed away.
There was vomit on her bed.. they said that's how it goes when it's your time.

I cried. I cried so hard cause she didn't wait for me.
I cried mostly because I can't imagine life without her.
She was always there helping us and taking care of us.
She was so selfless.
She wasn't my grandma by blood but she loved us as if we were his own kids.
I remember when I was still in high school, she was still living at my grandma's house, whenever my sister and I go there, she will cook my favorite food - tortang talong. She will even give us tricycle fare just cause she didn't want us to walk even if it wasn't that far. I know a tricycle fare is not that much but she didn't even have much but she still gave.
I wanted my own kids to personally know her cause I know she will love them as much as she loved us.

In a way, I keep thinking that maybe Nanay didn't wait for me cause she knows that I can never handle finding her that way.
I keep thinking that at least she's no longer suffering now. Suffering from this world.
She didn't even die in a hard way and that is an answered prayer.
With everything she went through in her lifetime, she doesn't deserve to be in pain.

Nanay Celing will be forever in our hearts. We will forever miss her.
I know she's looking at us from heaven right now, guiding us.
I know she died in our house and other people may ask if we're scared or what and, honestly, I don't see any reason to be scared. Nanay won't scare us. She knows us too well.
She's our guardian angel.
We love you, Nanay.