Vday 2020

This is gonna be a short post. I just want to remember this feeling.

It was always me who would say, “where have you been all my life” in a joking manner to the wrong men who felt right at the moment.

Never thought it would feel this much when someone says it to you.

We were just having our usual conversation and out of the blue, he smiled, his hazel eyes looking at me, and said, “where have you been all my life, boo boo?”

I can't even explain how it felt. I just know that it's a feeling I’ll never forget.
It's different. It's new. It's overwhelming. It's everything I didn't imagine it would be.
I’m scared but I’m always gonna be thankful.
All in a good way.

How can a heart like yours ever want a heart like mine?

Point taken, fate

It was like a movie scene

I used to say how much fate fucking hated me.
How fate always makes me walk into situations then, later on, fucks it up for me.

And, now, this happens.
Maybe this is a way of fate making me believe in it again.
Maybe this is a way of fate restoring my faith in love.
Maybe this is a way of fate telling me that it hasn't given up on me.
Cause what are the odds that the person you like likes you back right?
Maybe for others, it's not odd. It is for me.
For someone who has been into a lot of situations, this feeling is one in a million.

The joy in my heart remains.
I am thankful and anxious at the same time.
I’ve said from the start that I’ll always be thankful for him.
I've been thankful for everyone who crossed my path, be it a lesson or a phase, but this one hit me hard and out of the blue.
It makes me anxious cause, me being me, I know this will end eventually.
It will end... but I will always be thankful.

One day, I'll be writing that sad, butt hurt post but I know, inside my heart, he has claimed that special place in it.
He is a such an amazing guy. I wish I can keep him forever.
What did my shattered heart do to deserve someone like that?

Happy feeling capsule

I just wanna blog to remember this feeling I’m feeling right now.
Had the longest fucking week but I'm glad how it turned out in the end.
I was sad af, been solo drinking – I know but I’m sure I’m not even borderline alcoholic.
Towards the end of the week, I found some light.

Have you ever had that feeling where you are liking this person and you thought he was so out of your league and that it will never, in a million year, be mutual? Well, yeah, been there a thousand times but like, this time, knowing he likes you too in the same way you like him feels like a dream. I am in that dream but the happy part there is it's not just a dream, but reality.

I mean, okay, ang oa.
I've been in that 'out of my league pero mutual feeling pala' kind of situation.
Like duh. I think Jestin being my first kiss back in 2007 speaks volume.
He was popular and a lot of girls like him during that time. I was – grabe ang panget ko nun. I can't even sugarcoat it. No kidding. I haven’t had my teeth fixed, my hair was all over the place, I have the worst fashion sense, I didn't know how to be confidently beautiful with a heart lol
But, Summer 2007, he saw me. We went out and all that and then he dated my best friend next and everything went batshit crazy.

But, anyway, that’s not the feeling I wanna keep in this blog post.

But this.

I never thought he will like me back like that.
He always treated me like a sister. He even tells me before that I'm like his sister cause I was dating his friend who's like a brother to him. We would always talk shit with each other and just laugh about it.
Then, I don’t know what is it, one day, the stars aligned and he's confessing.
Disclaimer: I'm not dating the friend who's like a brother to him. He has moved on and I’ve closed that door even before all this happened.
He was literally pulling the both of us out of the friend zone.
I used to have that little crush for him before just cause he's kind and cute lol
But knowing that he always felt that way for me and he didn't wanna step out his boundaries before cause I was dating his friend... it all feels surreal.

It's nothing serious. We're just enjoying each other's companies.
I don't wanna overthink this.
I just want to keep this feeling cause it feels good af.
The way he smiles and reacts while typing his replies to my messages, the way he's interested to what I have to say or my interests.
This feels fucking good that it scares me but, fuck that, if it means you have to be sad first to be happy, I'll take it.
Ha, maybe I just unlocked a level in my life of realizations lol

It feels good knowing can still see something good in you or see you as a whole during those time you feel so broken.
It feels good being out of that friend zone, for real lol
It feels good looking at his hazel eyes knowing that it's looking back at me.
It feels good to appreciated.
I'm still in cloud nine.

2019 Recap

I decided to make this last minute blog post to revisit my 2019.
Better late than never. lol after all, it's the end of a decade.

My 2019 goals were:

🗸 I am gonna read & finish at least 1 book per month – that's why you're seeing a GoodReads widget I recently added on the right side of my blog page. – Sadly, I failed this one but I gotta say its a good start since I've read more than the past years.

🗸 I also plan to travel this year. I am aiming for at least 2 countries. Wanna go back to Taiwan!! – I definitely traveled more this year.

🗸 I also previously wanted to take at least 2 pictures per month on my instax, like I even bought 40 films but my Instax Wide 300's battery leaked. I accidentally left the batteries in for a long time. Planning to buy a new one though just to push thru this goal lol – I'll say not 2pics per month but I took a lot of films this year so it's a yay for me!

🗸 And, of course, I always have the goal to save money and work out every year. – I have saved money, I bought stocks... but the working out part.. no comment lol

🗸 Also, I wanna update this blog at least once a month & I'll probably make some front end changes to it. – I just added this one on my little goals for this year lol – I feel like I have that "blog under construction" for a year now. Must get back into that!

All in all, I'm pretty happy how things worked out this year.
And yes, I didn't date at all this year. Mostly because I had this going back and forth with Andy thing but I've learned now, ok? lol geeesh

It was a fulfilling year for my soul.
I've learned to walk out of situations or relationships that aren't doing me right anymore or things I don't deserve.
I've learned that it's not selfish to take care of yourself first.
I've learned not to force friendships anymore. I was too sentimental for shit but I'm over that.

To make things interesting, I'll just put pictures lol so here
I don’t know what happened in January but that month was dark, so no pics lol

February

Beach with some friends on a cold February. This is also the last appearance of my long curly hair ):

Decided to cut my hair this short cause why not

Got into a new project with a new team

March

Met up with Judee and Kat for dinner and a movie. Haven’t seen Judee for so long. It was nice catching up.

Met up with Tanya and Kate for lunch and coffee. Tanya and I also went out that night. It was fun. She's one of my highschool best girl friends. 

Nian's home! Dice took this photo. Sorry Daisu lol It's always fun when we get together. We talk about everything and anything under the sun

April

Nanay going back to California for the summer 

May

Celebrated my birthday with family in HongKong

June

Lunch with 2 of my college best girl friends. Always nice how we don't talk everyday but when we meet, its as if nothing really changed

Went to Puerto Galera with some workmates and surprisingly this is the only photo I can find on my phone lol

July

Went to Vietnam. This was at Mekong Delta River.

Took a sleeper bus to Cambodia. This was at Angkor Wat and it was just historically beautiful.

Took a bus to Thailand. This was at Wat Pho. We got lucky as not much tourists are there so we get to take this picture.

On the way back to Manila, we had a layover at Singapore. 

August

Had the chance to meet and bond with Cebu teammate when they went to Manila. Plus Ann. lol

Finally synced up our schedules. Went to a playdate with Johna and Champ (not in the pic)

September

Went to Cebu for a September beach getaway with my girl teammates

Received a postcard from Alex (:

October

Team lunch!

Yay we're complete! Finally! This is prolly the last time we got together for 2019 lol I love these two

November

It has been a while since I get to participate during Trick or Treat at the office. So happy I get to do it this year!

Taiwan again but this time with my friends from work!

New cute godson alert!!!! Giles <3

December

Digital Interactive Christmas Party 2019

Quick Dinner and Coffee with Dice and Jyl for our Christmas get together. Facetimed Nian too. 

That was a long year.

Very thankful how I was able to travel more than I wanted too and I get to hang out with my friends.

I feel like doing this post helped me appreciate 2019 more.

I was too fixated on the bad stuff that I have taken for granted all the good stuff.

It was indeed a good year.

What a way to end the decade.

x