Strictly No Dating 2019

Yes, you've read it right.

This year is purely about regaining the self-love and motivation I lost.

I honestly feel so motivated even before this year has even started. I am fueled up to do everything that pops into my head. I wish I can put all those thoughts to reality this year.

So, strictly no dating. Why?

I don't know either. lol

I just feel like I need to focus on myself to be able to do everything I wanna do.

I am aware of how I am when I get into a relationship or casual dating... I tend to get way toooooo committed, tooooo distracted, tooooo girlfriend-ish.

Well, that's me. I'm one of those people and I know it's not good but it's not necessarily bad either.

I mean, c'mon, being loyal, faithful or basically not interested into other people besides your partner is not something special. It is what is should be.

It's sad how being loving or faithful or even being honest is a standard now.

So, this year, no dating, no "talking", no dating apps (yes, I did dating apps. don't judge lol), no flings.

If it comes, it comes, If it doesn't it doesn't. No rush.

It's funny when I say "I seriously don't think I am ever gonna get married. I don't even want kids. I just wanna travel the world" to people. Their reactions are mostly the same.

They will say, "don't say that. you're too young to make that ultimatum" or

"you're just saying that cause you're hurt/you just broke up/you don't have a boyfriend right now" or

"who's gonna take care of you when you're old??".

It's funny because they don't make sense.

I really think I'm just gonna end up single and traveling the world 'til I can't anymore and just settle down to my own home or prolly in a nursing home AND that is not sad.

I don't say that for people to pity me or feel sad for me. I don't think that way because I don't have someone in my life right now. I definitely don't think kids are like an insurance for you to have someone look after you when you're old.

Did I still have these thoughts when I was in a relationship? Yes.

Like, yeah, we've talked about marriage and kids because that's normal.

Planning a family with someone you love is normal and expected. You don't date just to flirt or have a constant person to have sex with or get free gifts or convenience.

When we date, we obviously want it for the long run, not just for now.

But those thoughts were still at the back of my head. They were forgotten but they're still there.

I'm probably not the optimist I am claiming to be. lol

I don't know why. I can't explain why it never left my mind. Maybe because of the household that I grew up in, my parent's marriage or maybe because of my experiences. I don't know but it is what it is.

When Andy and I broke up, first few days or weeks or even months made me so vulnerable.

I didn't know what to do anymore cause I've altered my plans, my outlook, my expectations in life.

Like my new plans were basically dependent with his plans. Like we both adjusted and compromised our plans to fit in our future... which is normal in a relationship.

That's probably why we still tried to make it work but distance & other circumstances are shit.

The thought of "growing old with me, myself and my dreams" was buried with all the "us". We both wanted the best in life.

Don't get me wrong, we were still our own person. We can still manage to do stuff by ourselves.

We weren't codependent. It's more like the plans, the future, the expectations.

It was the worst feeling. Maybe that's why I felt so lost and unmotivated... I didn't know what to do anymore because my plans were buried by our plans.

I don't ever wanna feel that lost again. It was draining everything left of me.

But, then again, maybe I just haven't find the right one for me.

The one that I don't have to lose myself for.

The one that will make me feel that 'yeah, it's ok to grow old by myself knowing I've done everything I wanna do' is good but growing old with him is better.

The one that will just naturally complement with my plans.

Truth be told, I really haven't lost my faith in love. It's still here.

I trust God. Whatever His plan for my life & heart, I fully trust Him with it.

I can have that faith and also be how I am.

Like I said – If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

One thing is for sure though... I will never lose myself again for someone.

No one should ever feel that way.

This year has definitely a lot in store for me.

I got little goals set like:

🗸 I am gonna read & finish at least 1 book per month – that's why you're seeing a GoodReads widget I recently added on the right side of my blog page.

🗸 I also plan to travel this year. I am aiming for at least 2 countries. Wanna go back to Taiwan!!

🗸 I also previously wanted to take at least 2 pictures per month on my instax, like I even bought 40 films but my Instax Wide 300's battery leaked. I accidentally left the batteries in for a long time. Planning to buy a new one though just to push thru this goal lol

🗸 And, of course, I always have the goal to save money and work out every year.

🗸 Also, I wanna update this blog at least once a month & I'll probably make some front end changes to it. – I just added this one on my little goals for this year lol

Hopefully, by the end of 2019, I can tick all of those boxes out.

His will be done. Always.

Happy New Year from my family to yours ♡

Taba

In a month, you will be married and I think it's just right to make this final blog post about you.

It was crazy how everything went down.
It was crazier how after everything, you choose to walk away... not just on what we had but on the friendship.

I'd like to think that we really had that something. Di lang naman ako nag ilusyon diba?
How can it be an illusion when every time I remember how you held my hand, my heart aches a bit?
Every time I remember those stolen kisses or peck on the cheek, my heart aches a bit more.
And every time I think about the little things like you leaning your head on my shoulder or you hugging me while we sleep or you making a way to spend time with me, my heart aches even more.
You waiting for me at my dorm's entrance for hours to talk and me telling you to go to your girlfriend's house to sober up wasn't an illusion. I even blocked you on my phone cause you were calling me nonstop.
You fetching me from the office cause you didn't want me to go home alone wasn't an illusion.
You telling me how happy you are with me wasn't an illusion.
You staying extra late so we can spend time together wasn't an illusion.
You telling me you love me and asking me to run away wasn't an illusion.
You going the extra mile just to cater to me wasn't an illusion.
Ang lala. lol.  I can go on all day talking about the fun years we had but this post would be too long.

I know it has been years. Y'all have obviously moved on. I have moved on.
We all have moved forward. This is just me reminiscing & saying goodbye for the last time.

It is hard letting go of the memories of you.
Sometimes I really wish we never did what we did cause maybe, just maybe, you and I would still be friends. I said maybe because there is still no guarantee that you would still be around... after all, you only hang out with people around you. It was like you left your high school friends in high school, you left your college friends in college... if that makes sense. lol

Letting the memories we had together go is hard because you were a great friend.
You were one of my best guy friends.
You were one of the top people who completed my college years.
You and I talked about how we would never be like those people who left or distanced themselves to the group... but you just turned out to be one of them.

I am leaving all of it to 2018.
I gotta accept the fact that you're not the person I used to be friends with.
The memories are just distant memories now.
You're no longer the person I know. You're a stranger.

bye, 2018

thank u, next

Mandatory year-end post. lol
This year was... I can't even think of an accurate adjective to describe it.

It is sad that I'm not ending this year with the one I started it with. Oh gosh, that made me teary-eyed. lol
Yes, it has been almost 4 months since we broke up. We still tried to fix it even if we both know that it won't work anymore. We just had to. It was so hard to let go of something that you still both wanted but it wasn't really working anymore so we had to let it go. They said it wasn't really the right one if it came at the wrong time, but it was real and if I'll have a chance to choose something that I can go back to someday and have it forever, that's gonna be it.

I lost myself this year. I lost myself cause I gave my all and when it ended, I didn't have anything left. It sucks but I am THAT kind of person – the person who gives her all in every relationship she has. I know I should change that. I hate feeling empty and lost but it was inevitable. I spent most of this year feeling like crap – so unmotivated and just stuck. I literally felt like every day is Day 1. I was literally stuck in Day 1. Sometimes I didn't even wanna get out of bed or wake up at all.

Having a solid support system that genuinely cares for me helped a lot.
Those friends who patiently reminded me that it will get better and that it's okay to be not okay sometimes.
Those friends who didn't call me "madrama" or "oa" for being the way that I am.
Those friends who constantly checked if I'm still hanging in there.
My Taiwan trip helped as well – being literally lost and just spending time with myself. Honestly, I almost didn't push through this trip cause I felt lazy and I was tired for no reason at all.
I'm glad I used the last of me to go on this trip cause it helped me get myself together plus Taiwan was just awesome. I love Taiwan. lol

I may be ending this year feeling -not even- 75% of myself but I'm glad I was even able to get past Day 1. I am motivated to do better this 2019. I got some small resolutions that I am just excited to do.

Even after everything, I'm still thankful for this year. The good may have been overshadowed by my sadness but I'm thankful that I got promoted last May, I got my salary increase on both mid-year and year-end performance feedback and I can't even count the blessings me and my family received all throughout the year plus good health for everyone. God is good all the time.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"

Psalm 147:3

2018 felt longer than it should've been but I'm still hopeful for 2019.
No expectations for this new year but, definitely, ready for whatever.

Happy new year y'all ♡ 

Taiwan-derlust

I wanna start this blog by saying how much I enjoyed my stay in Taiwan.
I stayed for 4 days and 3 nights but I swear I wanna stay there longer.

Red House Theater, 11/21

As you all probably noticed by now, I tend to travel during Novembers and specifically during Thanksgiving week because 1) It's a way for me to save a couple PTO days 2) I don't have work for Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving.

My flight to Taipei was last November 21st at 7 AM. I went to the airport around 3 AM and I'm glad I did because the lines were just crazy. Line entering the airport was long, the line to pay for the Travel Tax was long and the line for the check-in counter was long as well. I spent like an hour or two falling in line. Tip: If you're flying via AirAsia, Opt-in to pay the Travel Tax when you purchase your tickets. After checking in my luggage, I went to Immigration that has long ass lines as well but since I went to the airport early, I was still a bit early for boarding so I had time to grab some breakfast at Starbucks. It took 2 hours to fly from Manila to Taipei-Taoyuan.

Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport - Terminal 1, 11/21

Arrived at Taoyuan Airport around 10 AM & damn Immigration line was so long too. Fun fact: Taiwan is visa-free for Philippine passport holders until Aug 2019. After that, I went to find the KKDay pocket Wi-Fi counter. For a solo traveler like me, it is essential to have an internet connection or else I would've been so lost lol. Besides, I only spent US$6-US$7 to rent the pocket Wi-Fi for 4 days which was very reliable. I didn't experience any downtime with it. Link to avail here. I also exchanged some of my money from PHP to NT$ at the airport – Tip: You can only exchange money at the airport or at Bank Of Taiwan. I totally knew this before my trip but I don't know why I just forgot and didn't exchange all my money at the airport.

Train from Taoyuan Airport Terminal 1 to Taipei Main Station, 11/21

So being a former strong independent woman who is trying to be a strong independent woman again, I rode the train from the airport to Taipei Main Station. I was so tempted to get a cab or über though but di na po tayo marupok. LOL. Then from Taipei Main Station, I tried to find the bus but I can't so I took a cab to Ximending area cause that's where the place I stayed at was located. It was only a 5-10 minutes drive and it only cost me around NT$100-NT$120. I stayed at Ximen Holiday Fun and I will definitely consider staying there again. The staff was so nice and helpful. I arrived way too early for the check-in time and since I didn't exchange enough money, I decided to go to the bank. It was a long walk, I can't even count how many blocks I walked but it was weird that I didn't get that tired. All throughout my trip, I had to walk a lot. My feet hurt but it was a good kind of pain. According to my iPhone's steps tracker, I apparently walked more or less than 200,000 steps all throughout my trip. LOL

Red House Theater, 11/21

First night in Taipei was nice. I walked around Ximending area. My hotel's location is so convenient to everything. Tip: Stay in Ximending area when you're going to Taipei. It is near the night market, shopping stores and, just everything. I only ate beef noodles that night. That is also the night my milktea addiction started... HAHAHA. I also hoarded some boxed drinks at Family Mart.

Boxed coffee from Family Mart, 11/22

I love how I was so committed on this trip.
I woke up early and was just so motivated to explore the city.
I love love love love how there are boxed coffee, milk tea or juice at Family Mart. There is even cereal with malt milk in one packaging.

Second day in Taipei, the plan was to go to the National Palace Museum.
It was cold that day. Bit rainy but I love how it was cold.
I took the bus and missed my stop so I had to do a roundtrip. lol
Tip: Install Google Maps & Google Translate
Most of the people in Taiwan don't really speak English so it was very helpful that I have Google translate. After missing my bus stop and doing a bus route roundtrip, I think it took me more or less than an hour, I arrived at the National Palace Museum. I availed my ticket beforehand at KKDay so it was smooth claiming my ticket. I just had to show my e-voucher. I don't know if it was cheaper but I bought my ticket for US$12. Link to avail the ticket here. I was hesitant to avail the audio guide cause the reviews were mostly disappointing and useless but damn I should've availed for it cause I didn't really understand anything inside the museum lol It was nice looking around. It was also very crowded so I had a hard time roaming around.

After the National Palace Museum, I went to Taipei 101.
I tried to eat at Din Tai Fung but damn I was too hungry to wait and ended up eating at Hawker Chan.
After late lunch, I walked around and decided to go to a nearby mall, ATT4Fun. I was looking to buy for a new jacket because my leather jacket was shedding. It was heartbreaking cause I love that jacket but it was cold and the leather shedding was getting worse. So it was time to say goodbye to my red leather jacket and bought my pink Pull & Bear jacket.

Taipei 101, 11/22

I tried to hike the Elephant Mountain but my feet were giving up on me and it was a good decision that I didn't because they said it was too foggy at the top to even see Taipei 101.

This photo was 10 minutes in the hiking trail.

After a long day of walking, I went back to my hotel and rested for a bit.
I went out around 7 ish to go eat at Ximending Night Market.
I pretty much ate a lot and random Taipei must-try street food.

Ay-Chung Flour Rice Noodles is definitely a must-try. There is a line but it is fast moving. They don't have chairs, so people pretty much stand around the store and eat. It was perfect for that Taipei night weather. #TaipeiEats 

We already have a Hot Star here in Manila but I just have to try this as well. I haven't tried the one here in Manila but they said it pretty much tastes the same. The only difference was the chicken is thicker in Taiwan than in Manila stores. PS that mango drink was the bomb as well. #TaipeiEats

Third day in Taipei was allotted for the KKDay Jiufen, Shiufen, and Yehliu Tour.
I took the bus to Taipei Main Station since the meeting area was in Taipei Main Station East Gate 1.
I arrived early so I just bought a burger and lemon juice at 711 for breakfast.
Most of the people on the tour were Filipinos so I didn't have a hard time.

Mushroom Rocks

First stop was Yehliu Geopark.
It was an hour away from Taipei Main Station.
There were different kinds of rock formation there but I swear I only saw the mushrooms and the leopard – that I accidentally deleted from my phone lol

Chicken wings stuffed with rice

Second stop was Shifen Old Street.
This is where the sky lanterns are from. They said it was nice at night here but there's not much to do here.
The Sky Lantern costs from NT$150-NT$300. There are several colors to choose from that has their own meaning.
The people there will help you light it up and take pictures and videos of you holding it until it flies away.
The chicken wings were recommended by our tour guide and she also said that it's cheaper to buy souvenirs here than Jiufen. Didn't buy any though since it was cheaper at Ximending lol

We had to cross this bridge to get to the waterfalls

We also had a quick stop at Shifen Waterfalls. It was only a 30-minute stop.
They also call it as 'rainbow falls' or 'Taiwan's niagara falls'.
It was beautiful and peaceful.

Heavenly cream puff

Last stop was Jiufen Old Street.
It was basically a street with side by side stores selling delicacies or street food or souvenirs.
We got a bit lost going around it and it was super crowded as well.
Luckily we have tour mates who can speak mandarin so we were able to navigate to the end of the street to bring us back where we started.

After that, we were off to go back to Taipei Main Station and it was 90 minutes away.
Overall, the tour was worth it. It only costs US$23 for the whole tour. Link here to avail.
The bus was nice, our itinerary was followed well. Our tour guide, Amy, was funny and approachable.

After the tour, I went back to my hotel to rest and freshen up. I left around 7PM to go to Shilin Night Market. Shilin Night Market is one of the go-to night markets and I can totally see why cause compared to Ximending Night Market there were more choices and it was bigger. I didn't eat much here because I got busy looking around. I will definitely go back here.

Beef Cubes with teriyaki sauce

This braised pork wasn't really that good but I was craving for rice lol but that MILKTEA WAS THE BOMB

After roaming around Shilin Night Market, I rode the bus and walked around Ximending. Mostly bought souvenirs and stuff to bring home this night cause my flight back to Manila was the next day at night.

Last day in Taipei, I (of course) went to the Zoo. Mainly to see the penguins and the panda. I rode the train to Taipei Zoo. I just LOVE the public transportation in Taiwan. I don't know if I've said that before but I just love it. I only had to take two trains to Taipei Zoo and it was super convenient.

Arrived around 9AM. Perfect timing as the zoo just opened. I used my EasyCard to pay for the entrance fee.

Ofcourse, flamingos. They look healthier than the ones I saw at Dusit Zoo at Bangkok.

I swear I have never seen an awake Koala. Reminded me of Alexon lol

I was so happy seeing not one but TWO elephants. SO HAPPY!!

So happy that I had to take a selfie ofcourse! 

Fact: It was my first time to see Camels in real life and not just on my iPhone's emoji keyboard

Too many turtles to count

Comfy Panda

I only had like 10 seconds to see this Panda cause there was a line and there were too many people but it was worth it cause he/she was so cooperative and just so cuuuuuuuuute

Had a lunch date with a Panda... JK! This was at the café located upstairs of the Panda House, near the gift shop. I swear it was meant to be because this table was of for one and it wasn't occupied when I got there. TRULY MEANT TO BE!!

Bolognese was yummm and worth the NT$

Conquered Taipei Zoo!!

I can say that going to Taipei Zoo was worth it. It has a lot to offer and the animals looked like they are all well taken care of. They look healthy and happy and they have a decent space to roam around and not feel so trapped. I love every second of it.

Healthy Penguins!!!

After Taipei Zoo, I wanted to go visit the memorial halls and temples but calculating the travel time and all that, I didn't have enough time to go back to my hotel to pack, get dinner and go to the airport 3 hours before my flight. Since my flight was at 1AM, I had to be at the airport by atleast 10PM and I wanted to take the train instead of spending NT$1000 for a cab. I really think it's not wise to take a cab in Taiwan since the public transportation is very reliable.

Packing situation. Thank God I was able to close it lol YES, I BOUGHT THREE BABIES AT TAIPEI ZOO lol A Panda, a Giraffe and a Penguin :)

I didn't get a chance to go to the usual tourist spots like the memorial halls and the temples but I swear I'm gonna go back. I love Taiwan. I will definitely be back. I left Manila lost and confused that I almost made a pass on this trip cause I was so lazy and depressed and just unmotivated, I came back somewhat renewed and feeling better. I got literally lost but still found my way. It all gave me a different perspective and a lot of hope that everything will be better in time. It gave me a time to renew and put myself back together again on my own. I'm glad I pushed through this trip.

Looking so tired but that I definitely missed that smile. This was on the train to the airport.

/All photos are taken with  iPhone X/