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| thank u, next |
This year was... I can't even think of an accurate adjective to describe it.
It is sad that I'm not ending this year with the one I started it with. Oh gosh, that made me teary-eyed. lol
Yes, it has been almost 4 months since we broke up. We still tried to fix it even if we both know that it won't work anymore. We just had to. It was so hard to let go of something that you still both wanted but it wasn't really working anymore so we had to let it go. They said it wasn't really the right one if it came at the wrong time, but it was real and if I'll have a chance to choose something that I can go back to someday and have it forever, that's gonna be it.
I lost myself this year. I lost myself cause I gave my all and when it ended, I didn't have anything left. It sucks but I am THAT kind of person – the person who gives her all in every relationship she has. I know I should change that. I hate feeling empty and lost but it was inevitable. I spent most of this year feeling like crap – so unmotivated and just stuck. I literally felt like every day is Day 1. I was literally stuck in Day 1. Sometimes I didn't even wanna get out of bed or wake up at all.
Having a solid support system that genuinely cares for me helped a lot.
Those friends who patiently reminded me that it will get better and that it's okay to be not okay sometimes.
Those friends who didn't call me "madrama" or "oa" for being the way that I am.
Those friends who constantly checked if I'm still hanging in there.
My Taiwan trip helped as well – being literally lost and just spending time with myself. Honestly, I almost didn't push through this trip cause I felt lazy and I was tired for no reason at all.
I'm glad I used the last of me to go on this trip cause it helped me get myself together plus Taiwan was just awesome. I love Taiwan. lol
I may be ending this year feeling -not even- 75% of myself but I'm glad I was even able to get past Day 1. I am motivated to do better this 2019. I got some small resolutions that I am just excited to do.
Even after everything, I'm still thankful for this year. The good may have been overshadowed by my sadness but I'm thankful that I got promoted last May, I got my salary increase on both mid-year and year-end performance feedback and I can't even count the blessings me and my family received all throughout the year plus good health for everyone. God is good all the time.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 147:3
2018 felt longer than it should've been but I'm still hopeful for 2019.
No expectations for this new year but, definitely, ready for whatever.
Happy new year y'all ♡
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