Falling for a fuckboy

Last December 30, Olongapo City Fiesta.
Usually, I spend lunch at my Grandma's and watch the parade with friends.
But this year, I spent it a lot different but it was all fun.

I hung out with my best friend, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's best friend.
We have previously hung out once before Dec 30. Had drinks and played pool.
We were supposed to go to Ocean Adventure but ended up staying in the hotel for the rest of the day.
Tyler and Anri fell asleep easily lol
Cory and I can't find sleep though, so, we ended up watching Discovery Channel. We talked a lot too. Which is good. Next thing I know was we were all cuddly... which was nice too. :>
I learned a lot about him as much as he learned things about me. He definitely knows my weakness now... Tickles. Lol I'm a sucker for tickling because I have tons of ticklish spots. But I made him promise to no tickling so I didn't die. Lol. It was comforting and nice cuddling with him. He was very gentleman and sweet. Okay. Enough. Haha

We left the hotel at 8 PM, went to Willi's.
I'll admit I got drunk. We all did. It was good. Even though being drunk made me think things too much.
There was a time that they said that each of us should pick a song and sing.
And me being me, I was so shy. I have never sung with strangers around because I don't think I'm good enough but I don't wanna be a fun sucker, so I did.

That's when it started. I mean, Cory is nice. Funny. No dull moment. Was so patient teaching me how to play pool. He is attractive.. his eyes are too die for.
But, I know, I know, he's a fuckboy. Literally a fuckboy. A non-relationship, don't wanna commit to anyone kind of guy. In fact, he's the only one who doesn't have a girlfriend in their circle of friends.
I knew from the very start that he is a fuckboy, that was why I was so guarded. I don't wanna catch feelings for someone I don't even have a chance being with...

But I did.
Song ended and he smiled at me.
I don't know if it was all over my face that I felt so shy because he suddenly talked to me and assured me that I sounded so great. His words, not mine. He kept saying things to make me believe that I can sing. If his eyes can make something melt, I probably did. He just sounded so sincere. I can't help but believe it. I know, I know, never trust a fuckboy but after that night, I can't stop singing. He somehow made me believe in myself. Boosted my self-confidence.

It sucks that I can't stop thinking about him.
It sucks that I know things that should send me running.
It sucks that we can never be.
It sucks that he's gonna go back to his own life a few days from now and I'm gonna go back to mine.
It sucks but I don't feel like I'm losing because I gained from it even if we're nothing.
This feeling that I'm feeling will pass, I know it. And I hope so.
But the confidence and faith in myself that he helped me gain, I will have that forever. :)

Happy 2016!

The first day of the year and I'm a bit sick.
It won't stop me to enjoy my remaining vacation days though.

As usual, we celebrated New Year's Eve at my grandma's house.
It was a bit different this year but, regardless, we still had a nice night.
I can never imagine celebrating new year differently.

Distance

"Box: Now, look, I have done the long distance thing. And it is hard. As hell. And it doesn’t matter how good the relationship is, it literally can just rip apart. Look, it is just very hard to be far away from the person you love for months at a time."

The quote is from a movie.

Does love really know no distance?
I used to believe that if you love someone, the distance would never be an issue.
Distance is just distance. Love will always be greater than the distance.
And all that shit.
But after more than three different situations I have encountered that was because of the big distance between us that's why it didn't work or wouldn't work, it woke me up.
It woke me up to the sad reality.
That distance is something.
That distance is relevant.
That distance is hard.
That distance is shit.
I know, I know, maybe it's just with me. It's just me that can't make a relationship work through the distance... Lol hell no

There's this college friend who had a girlfriend who is in the same country but an hour plane ride away, she cheated. They broke up.
There's this school mate. Couple years younger than me. He was in Australia. She was here in the Philippines. She found someone else who can be there for her physically. She broke up with him.
There's this college friend. Girlfriend went to UAE. Couple weeks after, he cheated. Girlfriend flew back here. Clueless. Found out he cheated. Broke up. But eventually got back together. Lol stupid, yes.
There's my best friend and her boyfriend before she migrated to Canada. Broke up because he didn't have enough time. Time diff is shit.

I could go all day with the people who didn't survive the distance.
Love knows the distance. It hurts to not be able to survive it.
It hurts to know that love is not enough to make it through the distance.
It hurts to be told that he can't be more than friends with you because it will never work even if you guys make a way to see each other every time you can.
It hurts to be told that he won't let someone who is there pass for someone who is miles and miles apart.
It hurts to be told that you shouldn't stop yourself to meet other people even if he's the one you want because the distance is big
It hurts to know that he gave up because he can't take the distance anymore.

I always tell myself and that someone that it will get easier.
There are a lot of ways to communicate.
That we can always make time and ways to visit each other.
But at the end of the day, I know that it's not.
It will never get easier. It will be hell.
It will kill you slowly inside. Until you have lost all your faith in love and fate. Like me.

First Girlfriend Material

A few months ago, he was rolled into the project I'm in.
I can still remember how his smile caught my attention. I'm a sucker for guys who have cute smiles. That kind of smile that reaches into his eyes. Lol
As days passed, I realized that I got this itsy bitsy crush on him. We talked every once in a while. He used to randomly message me on Lync just to say a joke or say Hi.

When we moved to Eastwood, The testing team were left back in Mckinley and he is from the testing team. Given the circumstance, he still never fails to message me every day. Whether work related or not, he would make it a point to always say hi. That's when the teasing started. His team mates and some of my team mates would create a group chat just to tease us. I would just ride along, don't wanna be a fun sucker even if deep inside me is questioning if I really like me. Just because he answers as if he really likes me.

When our project ended, that's when it got serious. Well, not serious serious.
He still messages me every day. Asking me how I am. All that stuff. I thought it was nice of him or maybe he was just bored.
Then one day, he asked me who is my current boyfriend. I said none and asked him too,
He said he doesn't have a girlfriend. He never had a girlfriend.
It surprised me. He is good looking and very nice.
But then, I thought maybe he was very studious in college that's why having a relationship never came to his mind. Or maybe he is too torpe to ask someone to be his girlfriend.
And I was kinda right in the latter part. Several conversations passed and he can't even tell me what he really feels. I mean, I'm all in into meeting in person and telling me how he feels but time is really shitty. Work is shit too. Lol
But I know, I know, everything happens for a reason. I don't wanna rush whatever it is... if it is really true.

The over thinker inside of me can't help but to over analyze everything.
I even consulted few of my close work mates since they know him and some of my friends too.
My work mates are excited for me and they think that he has nice intentions.
I think he has nice intentions. I think that he is too good for me. I think that I'm not deserving to be his first girlfriend.
But when I think about him, I just can't help but smile as if he is one of the good things that happened in my life even though nothing much has happened.

Up to this point, we haven't really cleared things up as I am in Olongapo and he is in QC.
He has work til next week and I'm on vacation already.
All I can do is pray and hope. I guess. If it really is something.
I am making myself even more confused than before lol