Cliché

Been there, done that.

Here I am again...
Trying to convince myself that this is not like the last time.
Trying to convince myself that this would work this time.
Trying to convince myself that it wouldn't just disappear like the last time.
Scratch that trying. I am already convinced.

But can you blame me for it?
Can you blame me for hoping it will last?
Can you blame me for praying for it to work?
Can you blame me for wishing that it wouldn't end?
Can you blame for never giving up on love?
Call me hopeless romantic, stupid or even a martyr, I really don't care anymore.
I guess I would rather hurt and know I have tried than not try and be hurt still.
Because either way or eventually, I will get hurt. So why not risk getting hurt knowing you did what you wanted to do?

Everybody, even if they try to deny it, wants to be loved and to be in love.
It's just a magical feeling that can make or break your day.
It's like a break from it all. A break from all the shit world has to offer.
Every love is different. It might start the same or maybe end the same... but the journey will never be the same.
I had my fair share of heartbreaks. Fair does not even cover it all but I'll go with that.
Every heartache gave me a new lesson. A lesson that I can carry to my journey on finding the one for me. Sounds cliché but... it's true. :)

I know, I've written hundreds of blog posts telling how I am so happy and then sad and then happy over and over and over and over again like I never learned anything but I have.
I am just scared of regrets.
I don't wanna wake up one day regretting the things I should've done instead of keeping it all in, that's what I learned the time my heart got broken from Alexon. I kept it all in. I held myself back. I didn't say what I really wanna say. I just gave him up that easy and when I wanted to fight for him, it was all too late. He was too tied up with someone else already.
I don't wanna wake up one day realizing that I wasted too much time on something I am not sure of. And that is what I learned from Edz. I kept reasoning out with myself that I can settle for it. I kept coming back. I didn't wanna let go of my comfort zone, that safe and secure zone. It just made everything so harder to let go because I spent most of my growing years with him. And whenever I look back, it will always be with him which kills me every time.

Those were the two major chapters in my life that made me realize a lot of things.
From self-worth to living every moment.
And now, I'm just living in the moment.
I might get hurt in the process of it all but, at least, I know I tried.
It doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is how strong you become whenever you stand.

Valentine's update

I'm back!
It has been a month. I've been so busy with work lately. Like crazy busy.
I can say that I love having that love and hate relationship with programming.
I can feel that I have developed myself little by little. Like the things that were hard for me before, I can now do it like a pro. Well, not like a pro pro but you get what I'm saying.
What's up with me? Well, nothing so new. Same old me. Just productive. :)

The heart is doing okay. I think it's okay.
I have my fair share of down moments. Like missing someone, reminiscing shit, realizations, regrets, shoulda, woulda, coulda... and all.
But at the end of the day, I don't even care anymore. Being idle is a pain in the ass.
Like when I'm on my way to work or on my way home or the moment when I can't sleep or weekends. Those were the only time thoughts of having a boyfriend enter my mind. Idle times.
I know, it's pathetic. Like I can only think of being with someone because I don't have things to do or think of. Which leads me to realize that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship yet, another responsibility, another commitment and maybe rushing into those things again will just result in me getting my heart broken again.
I don't want that. At napapa "Bahala na nga lang" ako.

Heh! Enough of that sappy shit. It's Valentine's day today. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
Happy for the people who found that someone they can picture forever with.
And for the people who haven't found their someone yet, like me, don't lose hope. Don't look for it. It will come. Right time, right place.

As for me, I am very much into creating more progress with my career.
Exploring, wandering, taking risks, developing myself.
I wanna tour the world. I wanna meet new people. I wanna invest. I wanna be stable.
So, when that right one comes, everything will just fall into place. Easy as pie. No complications. <3

Page 3

Better late than never!
Happy New Year, my imaginary readers.
New year, a new book to make, new chapters to build, new chances... so use it wisely.
Goals set and plans are made. Let's get it on!

Spent New Year's Eve with the family.
I can never imagine celebrating it any other way.

Y'all have a fruitful year ahead of you! Less drama, more fun! :)

Top & Shoes: Cotton On; Skort: Forever21; Bracelets: Juicy Couture & Pandora

2014 mandatory blog post

Wow. 10 days left for this year.
Oh, how time flies so fast.
I had an awesome year. This year was a life changing year for me.
I had a lot of down moments but it was all worth it.
I learned & realized things I never knew I would. I guess that's one of the perks of getting older.

2014 highlights (or things I can remember that happened this year):

• I GOT PROMOTED. This was the best highlight of my year. Well, for my career. Career milestone. I was not expecting but I was really hoping for it. So happy that everything I worked for paid off. I was a back end java developer for the deals website for a retail company. It was hard because I was the only offshore back end developer. I got trained for hybris. Got pulled out to that project to work on a company prototype that uses hybris, the one that will be demoed to clients. Then after that worked on a pioneer project for an airline that has a golf club perk, which is now live. Check it out! Currently working for a Spanish retail company's admin page, which is a pioneer also. It was a nice start for my career. Thank you, Lord.
• Stepped out of my comfort zone. Letting go of someone or something will always be the hardest thing to do for an overly and easily attached girl like me. I tend to be over caring to my friends. I call it caring but you can classify it as clingy too. Yes, you can say that I have attachment issues. I trust people so easy. But for this year, I tried my best to overcome that shit. And as of today, I guess I managed to do it. I am still clingy.. but only to the people I trust and care for who cling to me in return. Ehem best friends. <3
• Broke up with Edz. I can also put this to the "Stepped out of my comfort zone" bullet but I just wanted to separate it because it is another "highlight" of my year. Being with Edz was like a break from reality. He was like my temporary amnesia pill. Temporary. Because as soon as it wears off, reality slaps me like a bitch. Twice. I see that life is not that simple. It is complicated. And every choice you make will have a big impact to your future. I tried to ignore the facts and my realizations several times. But how can I stay with someone I can't see the future I want with? I can't just stay because it was safe. Safe that I won't grow old alone. But I realized that I don't want to grow old like that. Almost 6 years with him was like a rollercoaster ride. Mostly down but I don't regret anything. He will always have that special place in my heart. My first serious relationship and hopefully, not the last.
• Quality > Quantity. This one is very self-explanatory. I always knew that having less true friends is greater than having a lot of fake friends. I always regret losing friends or people I care about. But this year, I finally learned to apply it to my life. It was hard. Cutting off people I care, or cared, about... Cutting off people is much easier than to care for them, knowing that they continuously stab me in the back. Life is too short to have friends who talk behind your back. Life is too short for fake friends.
• I learned to be independent. Like doing things alone and not thinking of what people will think of you. This year, I managed to eat in diners alone, going to the cinemas to watch movies alone, shopping alone, getting coffee alone... there were lots of things I did alone. Since I am single, I took advantage of that idea. I felt lonely a lot of times but it was peaceful lonely.
• Spoiled my sister and my momma. Sharing my blessings with my family will never be a problem for me.
• Guilty pleasures a.k.a luho. I don't really feel guilty spoiling myself with the money or goods I worked for. So. Yeah.
• Braces. I got braces again. Heeeh and I'll be having my hair permed in a couple of days. So, hello new me for 2015 hahahaha

That is all I can think of right now and I'm pretty sure I'll be lazy to even continue this.

But all in all, I am so happy, blessed and thankful for this year. It was a life changing experience.

Don't even know what to expect for 2015 because this year was so great.

Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, indeed.