Cliché

Been there, done that.

Here I am again...
Trying to convince myself that this is not like the last time.
Trying to convince myself that this would work this time.
Trying to convince myself that it wouldn't just disappear like the last time.
Scratch that trying. I am already convinced.

But can you blame me for it?
Can you blame me for hoping it will last?
Can you blame me for praying for it to work?
Can you blame me for wishing that it wouldn't end?
Can you blame for never giving up on love?
Call me hopeless romantic, stupid or even a martyr, I really don't care anymore.
I guess I would rather hurt and know I have tried than not try and be hurt still.
Because either way or eventually, I will get hurt. So why not risk getting hurt knowing you did what you wanted to do?

Everybody, even if they try to deny it, wants to be loved and to be in love.
It's just a magical feeling that can make or break your day.
It's like a break from it all. A break from all the shit world has to offer.
Every love is different. It might start the same or maybe end the same... but the journey will never be the same.
I had my fair share of heartbreaks. Fair does not even cover it all but I'll go with that.
Every heartache gave me a new lesson. A lesson that I can carry to my journey on finding the one for me. Sounds cliché but... it's true. :)

I know, I've written hundreds of blog posts telling how I am so happy and then sad and then happy over and over and over and over again like I never learned anything but I have.
I am just scared of regrets.
I don't wanna wake up one day regretting the things I should've done instead of keeping it all in, that's what I learned the time my heart got broken from Alexon. I kept it all in. I held myself back. I didn't say what I really wanna say. I just gave him up that easy and when I wanted to fight for him, it was all too late. He was too tied up with someone else already.
I don't wanna wake up one day realizing that I wasted too much time on something I am not sure of. And that is what I learned from Edz. I kept reasoning out with myself that I can settle for it. I kept coming back. I didn't wanna let go of my comfort zone, that safe and secure zone. It just made everything so harder to let go because I spent most of my growing years with him. And whenever I look back, it will always be with him which kills me every time.

Those were the two major chapters in my life that made me realize a lot of things.
From self-worth to living every moment.
And now, I'm just living in the moment.
I might get hurt in the process of it all but, at least, I know I tried.
It doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is how strong you become whenever you stand.