Losing it over you

It's so unlike me to do but I’m losing it over you
∞
I’ve been such a flaker on updating my blog. I think ever since I got into a relationship, I got lazier and lazier to update this thing.

So, I’m back and y'all probably know why.
A year and a half but it felt way longer than that.
It was long distance.
He was thousands of miles away but he knew me better than anyone else.
We were a world away from each other but what we had felt more real than my past relationship.
How unfair is it for something this great to just end?
Not cause we don’t love each other anymore, not because we fought, not because we don't want each anymore.
But because fate is a bitch. The distance is a bitch. Being away from each other is a bitch.

I can't say we didn’t try cause we did. We tried so hard.
We tried to beat the odds but the odds weren't in our favor.
I thought getting cheated on was the worst thing in a relationship.
Turned out trying so hard to work things out then failing to work it out is the worst thing in a relationship.
I always say that the 'what ifs' will always haunt you.
Turned out no what ifs will haunt you more.

It has been more than 24 hours since we broke up.
This might be too soon to say but I know that is it.
Before we broke up, I felt that 'calm before the storm', so I can't say I didn’t see it coming.
It was like I know it was getting harder but I tried with every last of it.
A part of me didn’t want to but a part of me gave up with him.
Like he said, what we had was great but the relationship is just stuck.

I understand and I know it's just better to end it than prolong the agony even more.
It just makes me anxious whenever the thought of him forgetting about me enters my mind.
I want him to be happy even if it's not with me.
I want him to get everything he wanted.
I wish him well.

I wish it was that easy to forget all these and just move on.
I meant it when I said he's the last one.
Before him, I didn't even wanna get into a relationship anymore.
That is one of the reasons why I tried so hard to make it work. Despite the distance, despite the challenges.

Time to just work on myself again.
One day, I’ll wake up and I will feel better again instead of this heavy heart and getting the urge to cry my eyes out.
One day, I'll be able to get through the day without wondering how he is.
One day, his name won't make my heart ache.
One day. One day.
∞
Even when we try to forget, love will remember