Drk

I can't believe I'm blogging about you again.
It started with a "Happy birthday!" and for some reason we're talking again.
I mean, it's not like we stopped being friends when we ended. It's not like we parted in a bad way.
I know it doesn't exist but, in this situation, it did. We parted in a good way.

I must've done a bit good in my life to meet someone like you.
You broke my heart but I know you broke yours too and the worst part is we couldn't avoid it that time. It was inevitable.

It has been a long time since we last talked.
You would occasionally like and view my posts and stories but that was it for the past four years.
Every time I see how happy you were on your posts, it made me happy knowing that you’re happy.
It warms my heart how after all this time you still feel bad for what happened to us.
You still feel bad about it that you had to apologize again. It's crazy how amazing you are.
I told you that you didn't have to apologize again because I understood it back then.
You said, "Well that’s how you know it was real :)" and that melted my heart.

Hearing your voice again felt like home.
Hearing your laugh felt so comforting.
You still know me so well.
I can't believe that after all this time you can still make my heart happy.

But, of course, me being me... I'm scared of talking to you like this again.
I keep thinking that what if we mess it up. What if we can't part in a good way this time.
I always felt proud about how we ended it the last time because it was just so calm and good and something we can always go back to.
I'm scared because I don't want to lose you for good.
How we ended before always made me think that you're always gonna be there.
We will always be a part of each others lives.
I don't wanna mess that up that’s why I'm keeping all my guards up.
You will always be in my heart. No matter what.

I love you that much that I'm willing to ignore all the signs cause I want you for keeps. I want you in my life. I want to preserve all our memories. I can't even think of a bad memory when we were together. It was just so perfect.

I'm smiling right now with teary eyes because I want this so bad but I can't.
I would rather be friends with you than try again and be nothing, you know.
Maybe that's how you know you really love someone... when you're willing to let the intimate feelings go because you don't want to mess it up and lose them.

.

So I told her my heart felt the same that it did before. It never changed. My feelings never went away, girl. My heart never closed the door.