It has been two years and two months since I broke up with Edz.
I didn't really intend on making a blog post about him but my new realizations got me thinking.
Nian, Dice and I had a more than 24 hours bonding last week and it was fun.
We ate junk food, watched movies, ate more junk food, and talked about everything under the sun.
Then we got into this conversation bout our past relationships, like what are the things we learned through that experience, what were the good things we will miss most bout them... stuff like that.
I got a lot of realizations that I didn't even know existed after that. I don't even know where to start and how to start saying it.. so I'm just gonna do it in bullet style.
Maybe that's what he thought too. Cause, it's a shame to admit, but it's true.. it was true.
I always come back. I always eat everything I say.
But not this time.
It has been a couple of years and I don't even feel, even a sprinkle, of thought to come back to him.
Everything I felt for him is dead now.
I even wanna get every hour, minute, or second I spent with him.
All the memories we had, good or bad, it all just makes me feel like crap now whenever I think bout them.
I know this is just a lesson I had to learn in life & I'm no longer even mad anymore. It took me a long time to wake up and learn everything but I can say that I learned a lot.
I learned a lot that I know how to not repeat it.
That I shouldn't settle for less. I shouldn't settle at all.
I saw this video from EliteDaily.
It was about a couple who broke up two years ago but were together for seven years.
He cheated on her for so many times, that was the first question she asked him.
He didn't really answer the question, he said he didn't know too.
It was bs.
That triggered my emotions to message Edz. He didn't reply.
I'm not hurt that he didn't reply. I didn't even care if he just seen it and didn't reply.
I didn't care at all. It just made me realize that the reason he cheated on me so many times was not because I wasn't enough... I'm sure he has his reasons but I won't let myself think that it was because of me.
Honestly, I wish him happiness.
I may sound like I'm mad on this post but I'm not.
I'm no longer holding any grudges for him.
I used to say that I miss him sometimes but now I can say that I don't even miss him at all.
Our break up was one of the best things that happened in my life.
I didn't really intend on making a blog post about him but my new realizations got me thinking.
Nian, Dice and I had a more than 24 hours bonding last week and it was fun.
We ate junk food, watched movies, ate more junk food, and talked about everything under the sun.
Then we got into this conversation bout our past relationships, like what are the things we learned through that experience, what were the good things we will miss most bout them... stuff like that.
I got a lot of realizations that I didn't even know existed after that. I don't even know where to start and how to start saying it.. so I'm just gonna do it in bullet style.
- I realized that Edz really didn't try to know me, my family history. He never asked. He never made an effort to ask me the whys and hows about my family. 6 years of being together and he didn't even know that I have half siblings, or that my grandma and granddad were annulled. Stuff like that. He didn't know anything bout it when I know a lot about him.
- I realized that Edz took me for granted so many times and I just let him cause I was too scared to be alone. I was thinking bout the "years" we spent together and the stuff we went through that made me weak... weak to see the truth.
- I realized that I was Edz's default. This is pretty much self-explanatory. I somehow thought of blaming myself bout this cause I wasn't really the type of girlfriend who will snoop around and tell you what you can and you can't do.. But I trusted him, even if he broke it several times, that's why I don't nag. I feel stupid confronting the "other girls" he was flirting with. Like really stupid.
- I realized that I don't really like anything about Edz except the fact that he is good with kids. I tried to justify that I like that he usually cooks food for me but I realized that he was really cooking for himself, not for me.
- I realized that I wasted too much time. I got a lot of "should've..." that I can't even deal with. One of those "should've" is that I should've just left the first time he cheated on me.
- I realized that Edz made this impact on me and not in a good way. Right now, every time I see or feel just a simple red flag, I tend to walk away. I think my experience with Edz somehow traumatized me that's why I act that way. I ignored every red flag I encountered with Edz and I don't ever wanna do that again.
- I realized how naive I was. I always made excuses for the things he did. Like how he can't make an effort to text or call me or how he ignores my messages, only to find out that he was consistently messaging another girl.
Maybe that's what he thought too. Cause, it's a shame to admit, but it's true.. it was true.
I always come back. I always eat everything I say.
But not this time.
It has been a couple of years and I don't even feel, even a sprinkle, of thought to come back to him.
Everything I felt for him is dead now.
I even wanna get every hour, minute, or second I spent with him.
All the memories we had, good or bad, it all just makes me feel like crap now whenever I think bout them.
I know this is just a lesson I had to learn in life & I'm no longer even mad anymore. It took me a long time to wake up and learn everything but I can say that I learned a lot.
I learned a lot that I know how to not repeat it.
That I shouldn't settle for less. I shouldn't settle at all.
 |
| And of course, a couple days later, I messaged him this. He didn't reply. |
It was about a couple who broke up two years ago but were together for seven years.
He cheated on her for so many times, that was the first question she asked him.
He didn't really answer the question, he said he didn't know too.
It was bs.
That triggered my emotions to message Edz. He didn't reply.
I'm not hurt that he didn't reply. I didn't even care if he just seen it and didn't reply.
I didn't care at all. It just made me realize that the reason he cheated on me so many times was not because I wasn't enough... I'm sure he has his reasons but I won't let myself think that it was because of me.
Honestly, I wish him happiness.
I may sound like I'm mad on this post but I'm not.
I'm no longer holding any grudges for him.
I used to say that I miss him sometimes but now I can say that I don't even miss him at all.
Our break up was one of the best things that happened in my life.
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