Here it goes.
Start of rant.
My heart is aching a little. No. A lot. It's just so hard to let go of someone you don't want to let go but you should. It is like "us against the world" feeling. Friends think that he is no good for me. That I deserved someone better. What hurts the most is that I, myself, know that. I know that the future I want will never be with him. It is like I can picture my future but can't picture him beside me. I can't do anything but to cry and just let it slip away.. Again. I wish I could just go back and turn everything right. And maybe, just maybe, instead of thinking how it's not meant to be and that how wrong we are for each other, it will be the other way.
I keep trying to blame this to others and have a root cause analysis in my mind. That maybe if my father didn't leave us, maybe life wouldn't be this hard. That maybe I will have a different perspective of love and life. But I just can't. Because deep inside me, I know, that there is no one to blame but myself. No one but me. Blaming myself because I have big dreams. Blaming myself that I want a better life. Blaming myself because I make decisions without thinking it over a hundred times.
This is what I get for letting my heart win. Never again.
End of rant x